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[quote=Anonymous]I am a SAHM.  I gave up my dream career because it involved too much travel.

I am happy being a SAHM, but it makes you financially vulnerable.  Therefore, I think that an essential part of making that decision depends on what type of guy you married.

For instance, my DH is a hard worker, and in a secure field where he's not going to be laid off.  He's not into a particularly expensive lifestyle and doesn't need the latest new guy-toy.  He's not the cheating type either (as far as I can tell).

I also saved a bit and we have some money for any unforseen event.

Being a SAHM is a bit of an exercise in humility.  My boss laughed at me and asked what I did all day.  My stockbroker told me I was "wasting my brain."  My former colleagues look at me as if I'm the bulb on the Christmas tree string of lights that sputtered out.  It's all ok; I'm fine with my decision but just mentioning that you will get a little of that.

I was extremely ambitious before I quit.  I worked myself through law school, was a hard-core career woman, very ego-involved in my career, and someone who never envisioned having kids.  DH convinced me to have kids and I said, "ok, but just one," (LOL and now we have two).

It was a transition.  I always remember that my DH was attracted to me when I was a woman who his educational, career, and financial equal and was very independent and flying all over the place and had great stories---and now he has a SAH dependent.  So I try and cut him some slack for that when I'm annoyed because I feel like I'm a servant always picking up after everybody.  I also try to give him time to have some fun (for him this means playing computer games), and time for us to have fun together.

For me, being a SAHM has been mostly a positive experience.  I can be anxious and my work was anxiety-producing, so this is a better fit for me.  (When I worked, I used to start getting anxious on Sunday around 1pm)

Re the respect angle:  I work really hard and long--it never seems to end! and my DH has evolved in that now he really does see our house a bit like the oasis after a long day (read: hotel and guess who's the maid?)

I used to get really mad about that.  I also used to have a honey-do list for when he got home.  Then I heard someone on the radio who said, "you have to make him WANT to come home," and that was like an epiphany.  No more honey-do list, no getting upset that he's a slob.  God knows those expensively-clad much-younger lawyers in his office aren't giving him chores to do.  He's adorable and if being a slob is his only vice I'm damn lucky.

Therefore, I not infusing his messy behavior with a negative symbolic meaning (lack of respect).  He wants to come home; he loves coming home, to me and to unwind.  It may indeed be a lack of respect, but I'm going with the nicer interpretation.

As for the kids, it's better for us because (in my situation, as a SAHM) I'm there for them more often.  In general, I don't believe one can manufacture quality moments (where things happen that you can use as a teachable moment).  I think it's unpredictable when the quality moment happens.  If you are there when it happens, you can make it a teachable moment.  Since it's unpredictable, if you are around more (quantity), you catch more of those quality-moment opportunities.  For my situation, the only way to be with the kids for any good quantity of time was to be a SAHM. [/quote]

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