Reply to Friends who complain they have no money but constantly spend

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the annoyance is (1) having to hear the complaints about the lack of money as if it is something outside their control in combination with (2) watching them spend in a manner that is digging their hole deeper.

That is annoying.

If they never complained about money or even acknowledged their lack of self control that contributed to the situation and there was a reciprocal exchange of support this would probably not be an issue.

[/quote]

I don't see that. I understand the annoyance about vacations since it imposes on her (in a reciprocal relationship, but even so...). But monitoring when they replace electronics? That's a bit much for the OP. That's really intrusive.

I think there's more to the story here. She begins by saying the always had money until a few years ago. What happened? The economy? And they haven't adjusted their lifestyle? Fine. That's understandable, but have a bit more compassion. Or, did one elect to stay home and they've continued to live beyond their means? That's a little bit of a different story.

Either way, she totally lost me when she complained about how they replace their electronics. I mean, really? That's really petty.[/quote]

We have dear friends who also complain about money, how they will never have enough to retire, etc. But they travel A LOT. And buy expensive furniture. And cool electronics. And new cars. And, and, and.

It is annoying. It is annoying because we would like for them to be able to enjoy retirement with us. It is annoying because they talk about how they won't have the money for retirement, but are not doing anything about it.

And it also rankles a bit because it says that they value spending in the here and now more than saving for the future, whereas we hope that we are balancing fun now and saving enough for fun later. Those different values are uncomfortable to admit and accept when you are such close friends. Am I jealous of some of the trips? Yes. But I know that we are doing what's best for our financial future, and we already take more and nicer trips than most Americans and will be able to for many decades to come.

OP -- I think you can probably come up with a light-hearted way to ask them to not complain to you if they aren't going to do anything to fix the problem. That if they want your advice and guidance, great. Otherwise, please drop the topic. Same if they were talking about losing 20 lbs while eating a bag of oreos. [/quote]

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