Reply to Want to back out of SILs bachelorette...

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[quote=Anonymous]This is so easy: "I'm sorry but the change to another city really doesn't work for me -- I will be X months pregnant at the time of the party and the added Y hours of travel on trains and cars is going to be difficult for this pregnant lady." (If needed, insert "My doctor said..." here.) "I've already got a great gift on its way to you. I know you're going to have a great time in City X!"  
And then drop it.

Do not, do not, do not bring up any of the past stuff you mentioned (she didn't talk to your bridesmaids? So very not an issue.). If you mention it at all, THAT will be what she remembers: "My SIL bailed on my party because of dumb stuff about HER wedding ages ago!" and so on. And yes, you are right that it is petty stuff. Just make it solely about the fact the change of city doesn't work for you (hard to travel when so pregnant, costs, time, etc.) and don't let her guilt you. Do not rise to any bait or confirm if she tries the "If you wanted to be there you would manage it!" routine. Do not even respond, just say again, "I know you're going to have a blast and I'll be thinkiing of you."

As for your other issues with her -- really, they do sound petty on both your parts (is she the SIL who said you got pregnant to steal attention from her?). You and she both need to just chill. If she is living elsewhere, be glad for the distance.

For what it's worth, this party does sound weirdly excessive -- travel and more travel and oh, yes, let's change to a different CITY? [/quote]

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