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[quote=SarahandtheAteam][quote=Anonymous]OP,

No you do not risk of having your son taken away. But if his father asserted his parental rights, that could make an adoption impossible -- at least that is how I, a non-lawyer, understand the law. And if he did, he could get visitation -- even with his criminal record, the court might make it supervised. Do you and your husband understand the scope of parental rights? And the complexities of dealing with two states, whose laws are not perfectly parallel? (WA and VA, correct?)

The reality is that without a lawyer you might not get the outcome you desire. I am still not following how a man who wants to adopt his stepchild cannot see the wisdom of that. How does he not see the risk of a two-state parental rights challenge with a man with a criminal record like that?

Absent adoption, what would happen if something happened to you? Has an estate attorney explained that? Or are you and DH operating on a DIY basis there as well?
[/quote]

VA ad AZ, actually, since that's where he is being held in jail. This is exactly the stuff i need to see to show my husband why this is a bad idea. I can tell him all i want "I don't think we should do this ourselves, i want to go through a lawyer", but without being able to tell him specifically *why*, it's a futile argument on my end. I know he's looking like an asshole at this point- he IS being really stubborn and a bit selfish- but he is not an asshole-ish person as a whole. he's terrified of what could happen with our son if something were to happen to me- he doesn't want him taken away and shipped off to foster care or something if i were to pass away, etc. so you would think that would be enough to convince him in the first place, but he's hard headed. hopefully all this info you all are giving me will help change his mind.

also, i have already  started putting money away for paying at least the retainer for a lawyer as of this week, in case anyone was wondering :)[/quote]

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