Anonymous wrote:Have you seen this, OP? If he consents, fine. If he challenges the adoption, it gets complicated.

http://www.lawqa.com/qa/can-i-terminate-parental-rights-of-my-child-father

thank you for that link- i plan to show this to my husband tonight!

Anonymous wrote:OP,

No you do not risk of having your son taken away. But if his father asserted his parental rights, that could make an adoption impossible -- at least that is how I, a non-lawyer, understand the law. And if he did, he could get visitation -- even with his criminal record, the court might make it supervised. Do you and your husband understand the scope of parental rights? And the complexities of dealing with two states, whose laws are not perfectly parallel? (WA and VA, correct?)

The reality is that without a lawyer you might not get the outcome you desire. I am still not following how a man who wants to adopt his stepchild cannot see the wisdom of that. How does he not see the risk of a two-state parental rights challenge with a man with a criminal record like that?

Absent adoption, what would happen if something happened to you? Has an estate attorney explained that? Or are you and DH operating on a DIY basis there as well?

VA ad AZ, actually, since that's where he is being held in jail. This is exactly the stuff i need to see to show my husband why this is a bad idea. I can tell him all i want "I don't think we should do this ourselves, i want to go through a lawyer", but without being able to tell him specifically *why*, it's a futile argument on my end. I know he's looking like an asshole at this point- he IS being really stubborn and a bit selfish- but he is not an asshole-ish person as a whole. he's terrified of what could happen with our son if something were to happen to me- he doesn't want him taken away and shipped off to foster care or something if i were to pass away, etc. so you would think that would be enough to convince him in the first place, but he's hard headed. hopefully all this info you all are giving me will help change his mind.

also, i have already started putting money away for paying at least the retainer for a lawyer as of this week, in case anyone was wondering

Anonymous wrote:OP - get a free consultation with an attorney. They will explain the possible complications. Are you in DC? I recommend Zamani & Scott.

i'm actually in PWC. I have done one free consult so far and though i agree with her recommendation (and everyone else's!) to retain an attorney, my husband is the one not wanting to use a lawyer. We went over a lot in that 30 minutes but there wasn't enough time to explain the 'could's and complications' of doing it ourselves. of course, my objective for the call was not to ask her what she thought of doing it ourselves, i was calling to find out how it all goes down, what we'd need to do, how much it might cost, etc; my husband told me after i gave him the run down of the phone call that he wanted to try to do it ourselves.

Anonymous wrote:

SarahandtheAteam wrote:ok, so i've been told left and right, up and down "You need a lawyer/ this is a bad idea/ don't even try to do this yourselves" etc.

I appreciate that feedback, but could anyone share with me *why*?

I am an attorney (though not family law) and I did this myself. However, I have lots of friends who willingly donated their time to me to review my filings and make sure I didn't screw it up. I do NOT recommend a non-attorney try it because it's complicated and the consequences of not doing it properly are that it is as if you hadn't bothered to do it at all. Even without an attorney, it's not free to do it - you have court fees, you may need a home study (mine was waived, but I had to go to a different county to make that happen). Your child has a bio dad. You have to properly terminate parental rights before you can proceed with an adoption. Whether you like it or not, the bio dad has rights simply because he is the parent of your child until the relationship is legally terminated.

Far better to spend a little money up front protecting your child than being sorry in the long run if something goes wrong.

i realize bio- father has rights, no i don't like it but it's what the law says and that's too bad for me, i know. lol. i do really appreciate your feedback here. it will be very helpful to show much husband your response.

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Besides what I just said, there may be a tax credit due to your new husband when the adoption happens and if so, that cancels all of your costs.

Actually, the adoption tax credit is not available for step-parent adoptions, sorry.

It's well worth getting a lawyer so a) you properly terminate bio dad's parental rights and ensure that he does not receive visitation and b) your husband is able to actually adopt your child. Best of luck to you.

Have you seen this, OP? If he consents, fine. If he challenges the adoption, it gets complicated.

http://www.lawqa.com/qa/can-i-terminate-parental-rights-of-my-child-father

With parental rights in question? Or more straightforward?

Anonymous wrote:9:10 FREE consultation -- good luck finding one! Also, she needs a VA attorney.

Sorry - I missed the VA part. But I do know several adoption attorneys that do free consults. I had 3.

P.S. Good point, analyze the financial benefits of adoption.

9:10 FREE consultation -- good luck finding one! Also, she needs a VA attorney.

OP,

No you do not risk of having your son taken away. But if his father asserted his parental rights, that could make an adoption impossible -- at least that is how I, a non-lawyer, understand the law. And if he did, he could get visitation -- even with his criminal record, the court might make it supervised. Do you and your husband understand the scope of parental rights? And the complexities of dealing with two states, whose laws are not perfectly parallel? (WA and VA, correct?)

The reality is that without a lawyer you might not get the outcome you desire. I am still not following how a man who wants to adopt his stepchild cannot see the wisdom of that. How does he not see the risk of a two-state parental rights challenge with a man with a criminal record like that?

Absent adoption, what would happen if something happened to you? Has an estate attorney explained that? Or are you and DH operating on a DIY basis there as well?

OP - get a free consultation with an attorney. They will explain the possible complications. Are you in DC? I recommend Zamani & Scott.

PP again. Besides what I just said, there may be a tax credit due to your new husband when the adoption happens and if so, that cancels all of your costs.

SarahandtheAteam wrote:ok, so i've been told left and right, up and down "You need a lawyer/ this is a bad idea/ don't even try to do this yourselves" etc.

I appreciate that feedback, but could anyone share with me *why*?

I am an attorney (though not family law) and I did this myself. However, I have lots of friends who willingly donated their time to me to review my filings and make sure I didn't screw it up. I do NOT recommend a non-attorney try it because it's complicated and the consequences of not doing it properly are that it is as if you hadn't bothered to do it at all. Even without an attorney, it's not free to do it - you have court fees, you may need a home study (mine was waived, but I had to go to a different county to make that happen). Your child has a bio dad. You have to properly terminate parental rights before you can proceed with an adoption. Whether you like it or not, the bio dad has rights simply because he is the parent of your child until the relationship is legally terminated.

Far better to spend a little money up front protecting your child than being sorry in the long run if something goes wrong.

apparently i am still logged in. huh. so nevermind that first sentence. i was too lazy to go thru the login, turns out i was still logged in anyway.