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Expectant and Postpartum Moms
Reply to "First two sons were circumcised, thinking of opting out for third. Any btdt parents ?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=jindc][quote=Anonymous]Additionally, making daddy and son match is truly only about the ego of the father and placating his emotional needs. Children, teenagers, young adults and adults want to pretty much NEVER think about their parents genitals, right? I mean really, how much do we all daydream about our parents genitals? [/quote] While I personally don't give two craps about what people chose to do with this decision, I will say that my DH was NOT circumsized and his father was...and perhaps it's because his father is a complete a-hole, but he was never taught proper care (he had a hard time being potty trained because....foreskin). I think if you did not grow up with certain things, I could SEE how it could be difficult to 'deal' with the other. And then my DH was circumsized at age 18 and wished it had been done when he was an infant. And unless you've had both foreskin and no foreskin, I don't really think you can comment on the issue. I trust my DH's view, having gone through it (if we have a boy, but we're hoping for a girl!). People really care far too much here about other people's kids penises. [/quote] Sadly it sounds like your DH was lied to AND physically mistreated as a young boy, which is awful. As all of us here who have intact boys can attest, having a foreskin does NOT make potty training more difficult. There is no special care needed, either - in fact the more it is left alone the healthier it tends to be. It is terrible when parents repeat the myths and mess with his penis to the point that a young boy thinks there is something dysfunctional or bad about his *normal* body -- it seems that this might be what happened to your DH. Either that, or an ignorant doctor recommended a circumcision when it wasn't necessary, as most problems can be cleared up with non-surgical treatment. In the past, doctors usually recommended regular retraction for cleaning (especially during the diaper phase, which had the added benefit of sticking a torn penis in a dirty diaper), which we now know can cause significant problems as the boy gets older due to repeated tearing of sensitive tissue. Lots of retraction or manipulation can also cause a lot of pain, fear, and unnecessary concern/obsession about the foreskin, resulting in situations like your DH's where the boy/man believes that there is something so wrong with his penis that he must have it surgically altered at some point. Research might help heal some of your husbands trauma related to his situation, AND would help educate both of you that leaving your son intact could be very normal and healthy for him, despite the problems inflicted on your DH. I am always amazed when adult men say "it was such a horrible experience as an adult, that I'm going to force it on my one day old newborn son". It doesn't make sense. At least your DH, at age 18, was able to consciously understand what was happening to him, receive adequate anesthesia during the surgery, and to take appropriate pain medication afterwards. Doesn't he believe that his newborn son would feel the same sensations as he did? [/quote]
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