Reply to Telling grandparents we're not comfortable with them driving the kids anymore

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Reply to "Telling grandparents we're not comfortable with them driving the kids anymore"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No matter how you approach this, they are going to be upset, so I think going in with low expectations is key.

I think it needs to be both you and DH, so there are no questions about how they react or what they say, and you can make sure everything is clear.

Be direct: "We're no longer comfortable with you driving Larla and Aiden.  We still want you to see them as much as possible, and we're willing to make that happen, though that may change a bit."

When they pushback on why: "There have been a few incidents.  [b]We're just not comfortable with it anymore."  Keep repeating that basic line.  Don't get into it more than that or you'll spend the whole conversation with them picking apart your reasoning.[/b]When they pushback on scheduling: Have some specific ideas about how things they do now can still be done or done with some modifications.

If they completely blow up and say you can't tell them what to do, they're just fine, etc...realize you may have to back off on one-on-one visits for awhile if you don't trust that they still won't drive your kids while the kids are there, just to show you.  [/quote]

This, this, THIS!!!

I've been down this road with my parents.  There was no example we could give that would have convinced them it was time to stop driving the grandkids.  Close call?  We're being overly dramatic.  Accident?  Someone else's fault.  etc.

I know my parents, and I know how they deal with things like this.  So I did not give examples.  I did not refer to incidents.  I just said we're not comfortable with it anymore and we would be doing the drop offs and pick ups from now on.  I also said we would be happy to meet them places for outings with the kids.

They were not happy about it, of course.  And they periodically ask if we've changed our mind.  But in the end, without examples to pick apart or argue about, the conversations have gone quickly.  I held firm with "this is what we think is best" and that was that.

This is obviously very painful for everyone involved, I know.  Good luck![/quote]

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