Reply to I can't look my friend in the eye because she just had an abortion

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't blame you for feeling upset.  What I find somewhat distasteful is the way you discount her reasons for getting pregnant (she went off the pill because it ruined her skin -- is that not a valid reason for wanting to go off the pill?  she continued to have sex -- oh my god, what a whore!  She didn't want to spend the money on an IUD -- so what?)

OP, stop marginalizing her.  It's okay to feel uncomfortable around her but it's not okay to depict her as some kind of valueless dingbat tightwad trollop.[/quote]

I know women like this, my college roommate used abortions (she had 4 or 5) as birth control.  Went on to have three kids.

I think OP would rather a woman use some sort of protection (condoms or whatever) than just abort.  I know the personally I don't think that abortion should be used as a contraception.

We are also talking about a PhD here so dingbat is probably not the right word.  She should know better.  I personally think it is shameful for an educated woman to be so stupid when there are a million forms of contraception out there.  And OP, perhaps her fiance was the real cause of the abortion.  [/quote]

+1.

I am very resentful of a smart, educated friend I had, who also hated condoms, got pregnant, aborted.  10 years later at 35 and 38 got pregnant first try both times.  Flaunted it everywhere, how easy it was, how she always knew she was really fertile and would get pregnant easily, sneered at my process, "just relax", "just do it when you have to have it" (she's no longer a friend).  I have always been responsible, never put myself in the position of killing my child, I used birth control.  I paid attention to who I slept with.  And still, I have had a hellish infertility journey.

I don't think you need to feel bad for being resentful.  The Zen-master posters here who think you should be accepting are being very unrealistic.  Or kidding themselves.

By the way, I am 100% pro-choice when it comes to public poliy, but after feeling the grief of miscarriage, I know that you are killing a child.  Most of my pro-choice friends, including the one I described above, admit that--you're terminating a life that is already here, but legally, it needs to be allowed.  I STILL believe it's a woman's right to do it, as it is in her body, and forbidding it leads to so many social ills, whereas allowing it keeps it civilized--because it has happened since the beginning of time and will always happen regardless of laws, so keep it safe and legal.  But that doesn't mean I have to view it as a positive thing--or even react with compassion.  I'm the wrong place to go for that compassion--I can't be everything to everybody.

If you killed the baby inside you while I've been giving everything I have to hold onto one, then I am NOT going to be sympathetic, I'm not the one to turn to for comfort, and guess what--that's OK.  You're going to have to go somewhere else for understanding, not to a woman who has been turned inside out and tortured with infertility.

Yeesh, we're expected to be perfectly non-judgmental, compassionate saints in addition to everything else we're dealing with?[/quote]

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