Reply to S/O Why can’t moms just chill and be nice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know but I was at a dinner last night with a group of moms and walked away feeling horribly bullied. I haven't felt this bad about a social interaction since high school.  [/quote]

Ugh. I’m sorry. What happened? Were these people you consider friends?

OP, it varies and is luck of the draw. Steer clear of Queen types. [/quote]
These are folks who are supposed to be friends, though I no longer put them in that category.  The dynamic has been trending this way for a while and I'm done.

I'm very comfortable making my own decisions while this group likes to focus on everyone having made the same choices.  I've chosen not to dye my grays, go to the same Pilates classes, learn to play mahjong, have the same rules for my tween's phone use, buy the same type of cars or clothes or jewelry, etc.  I didn't care to conform in middle school and I'm certainly not in 40s, no matter how you speak to me.  I have never criticized any aspect of their appearance or their choices, but here we are.  They seem to think that I'm fair game for criticism.[/quote]

This is why I don't do friend groups. Friends, yes, but I try to avoid cohesive friend groups. I find that once a group is established, people often try to enforce conformity and view any difference as threatening to the group. As someone who has always kind of done my own thing, that dynamic always grates.

The one somewhat cohesive group I have is a mix of men and women and I think it's easier for people to be live and let live in it because people are less likely to compare themselves to someone of a different gender. It's also a mix of married and unmarried people, and a mix of parents and non-parents. It makes it very easy to just take each person as the are without feeling like someone else's choices are a commentary on your own choices.

It also makes conversations more interesting because I get to hear about the lives of people who are different than me instead of just sitting around while we all discuss how we're all doing the same things in the same way and aren't we smart? Maybe that's reassuring to people but I just find it boring.[/quote]

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