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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's funny that "partner" is more PC because I actually think it has the unintended consequence of confusing people and sometimes even reinforcing homophobia.

My husband has a gender neutral name, and I learned a long time ago that it's simply easier if I refer to him as my husband because otherwise some people will assume he's a woman and that we are a lesbian couple. You might think "well what is wrong with that?" Nothing, on its own. But it has led to some awkward mistakes, after which people are very embarrassed and apologetic. Some of these mistakes are just funny accidents (we have received a lot of formal invitations addressed to "Ms. and Ms.") others are much more awkward (I served on a school committee and they used my assumed LGBTQ+ status to tout diversity on the committee except... I'm straight). I've found it's just easier if people know from the jump that he's a man and we are a straight couple.

Likewise, we have a number of same-sex couple friends who do the same thing -- they almost always use "husband" or "wife" instead of a neutral term, because it's a way to quickly convey their identity and relationship without having to jump through any hoops. If there is going to be any resistance to that, better to identify it early. But mostly it's just practical, as it is in my situation -- that way everyone knows from the jump what gender their spouse is and whether they are straight or not, and this turns out to be basic info that is useful for people to have.

But it doesn't bother me when people use the neutral terms. I've just found them impractical in my own life except in situations where it truly does not and will never matter the person knows my husband's gender or our sexual orientation.[/quote]

My daughter’s partner is nonbinary AND happens to have a gender neutral name. When I refer to “my daughter’s partner, Rory,” I know people assume queer in some way and really want to know if they were born male or female. Lol. [/quote]

Yes but that's just a function of someone being nonbinary. People struggle with nonbinary-ness because it feels undefined, so there is often more curiosity about it. If your daughter's partner was named Rory but was not nonbinary, then you would refer to them as "he" or "she" and people would no longer be curious because it would be resolved. Also, if they had a gendered name but were non-binary, many people would just assume they were born as the same gender as their name and then became non-binary, and leave it at that. It's not really the name that confuses people, it's that people just have a hard time with nonbinary status because it makes a person feel mysterious or unknown in a way that is hard for some people to relate to. Not saying that's right or wrong, I think it's often at least well intentioned, but it's just the reality.[/quote]

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