Reply to What do you think you did right to have a close relationship with your adult child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not close to my parents.  In addition to being very (over) reactionary to anything I tried to share, they also had a lot of personal problems throughout my childhood and continuing into my adulthood.  It felt like they never had time for a genuine relationship or anything beyond logistics and checking the boxes on things like making sure we did "the holidays."  They were always overwhelmed, mostly with problems of their own making.

I don't make very much time for them, because they didn't make time for me or my sibling.  I do the bare minimum and so does my sister.

My advice would be to really be present with your kids and enjoy the moment.  I always felt like one line item on a never-ending to-do list and I hated it.[/quote]

I had a similar experience and wound up with a very perfunctory, emotionally distant relationship with them as an adult. They often came to me with their problems, seeking sympathy or advice, but I never felt like I could go to them. I earned early in adulthood that if I did try to lean on them for emotional support, they would often turn it around to make it about them and I would end up supporting them in my time of need.

As a parent, I have sought to always "be the adult" even as my kid gets older. I don't know yet if it will lead to more closeness in adulthood, but if we are distant, it won't be because I have forced her to parent and support me while not offering her support and guidance when she needs/wants it.[/quote]

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