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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I missed the part where OP said her husband did anything beyond having a crush on a friend. Sure, it's not great, but it's not a life altering trauma.

Have you tried having an adult conversation about how it hurt your feelings, and the secrecy was the worst part, and you want him to be able to have women friends but feel ashamed that he has to hire them,and then did you make an effort to folllow through and engage in an "emotional affair" with him?

Rough spots in a marriage are issues to work through, not just permanent steps toward walking away from it. [/quote]

OP here. 
Thank you to everyone who has shared their experiences. I especially appreciate the reminders that if my husband wants to cheat, he will, and I have no control over that. Before the affair, I would have bet my life that he never would. Now, I know he is more than capable of it.

To answer some of the PPs questions--I have 3 children in middle/high school. We are in our mid-40s, and the colleague is prob about 10 years younger.

For the PP (above), making things up that it was just a "crush" and we never talked about our feelings as a couple--It was not a crush. My husband brought up divorce while the affair was going on, which for me was completely out of the blue. He told a close friend of ours that the feelings were serious. 
He also has many friends who are women, as well as female colleagues and employees. This situation somehow triggered me after years, as she was too much like the affair partner. 
We went to marriage counseling after the affair(where again, we had "adult conversations" and I disclosed my hurt feelings), and of course, we have been through other ups/downs in our 25-year relationship that we worked through. [/quote]

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