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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am friendly with all neighbors in our neighborhood, because I usually organize community potlucks  for the neighborhood (gratis).  My social language/ice breaker was to feed people.

When our kids were little, I made sure that my home was the home where kids came to play.  I had a huge backyard play area for kids to hang out, a huge play area within the house and I invited every parents to bring their children and have coffee with me while the kids played.  I also made the whole proposition very attractive by providing hot meals and snacks for parents and children.

I am a non-White immigrant.  I come from a very different kind of parenting and social culture. I did not believe in letting my kids away from my sight and I was always around to keep an eye on them.  I was the involved parent at school, the carpooling parent, the chaperone parent on field trips.  My kids are grown up now and they tell me that in their minds I became the only reliable parent who had the answer to all problems.

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There is a mom like this in my neighborhood and some of us go out of our way to avoid her. It can be a very controlling behavior, always insisting on hosting and driving and being in charge of events. One of my kids is friends with one of hers, but because she will only host and does not allow her kids to go to other kids' houses, it harms the friendship. My DD likes going over there okay but would like to host her friend in her house, too. It's off-putting that she won't let her kid go to someone else's house even for a few hours. Same with carpools -- she only wants to host carpools and doesn't want anyone else to drive. She doesn't trust anyone else to drive her kids. Okay, but then why would I send my kids with her? It's just weird. It seems social at first because of all the invites and the food, but over time you realize it's actually the opposite of social because she doesn't trust anyone and she needs to be in charge of everything or she won't participate. It's very off-putting.

And it's weird for you to need to be to be the "only reliable parent who had the answer to all problems." That doesn't describe anyone. Lots of parents are reliable. No one has the answer to everything. The best parents I know have a lot of humility and are quick to admit they don't know it all.[/quote]

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