Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were young I lived in one of these "idyllic" neighborhoods where the parents were all friends, the kids played and were friends, etc. It is a lifeline when kids are little. Toward the end I really, really wanted to get away from the kid immediately next door.

It has an underbelly. There will be drama. And then you live in the middle of the drama. Kids will most definitely NOT all stay friends.

We moved when my kids were later elementary and I am thrilled to live on a street where I am friendly with all and friends with none of them. I have friends that aren't based on physical location.

+1, exact same experience.

Also, in my old neighborhood, the super "social" people were mostly just alcoholics. At first I just thought they enjoyed hanging out and were unusually social. And then I realized a lot of them were pretty much always drunk or blazed at these neighborhood get-togethers. It could be 5pm trick or treating or 1pm at a Memorial Day BBQ, and they are already tanked. I am not a teetotaler, but I quickly started bowing out of these events because I don't enjoy hanging out with people who are that inebriated that often over the age of 35 or so. Especially not as a parent at events where kids are present too. There were also hints of other issues (affairs, messiness with relationships and money that were discussed publicly, a lot of gossip about other people in the neighborhood whenever they weren't around). My DH and I definitely backed away slowly after accepting a few invites from the "neighborhood crew" to hang out. I'm sure they wound up deciding we were snobs and "unfriendly". It was such a relief to move and not be around that anymore.

This describes Harbor View in Lorton to a tee.

White trasj

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were young I lived in one of these "idyllic" neighborhoods where the parents were all friends, the kids played and were friends, etc. It is a lifeline when kids are little. Toward the end I really, really wanted to get away from the kid immediately next door.

It has an underbelly. There will be drama. And then you live in the middle of the drama. Kids will most definitely NOT all stay friends.

We moved when my kids were later elementary and I am thrilled to live on a street where I am friendly with all and friends with none of them. I have friends that aren't based on physical location.

+1, exact same experience.

Also, in my old neighborhood, the super "social" people were mostly just alcoholics. At first I just thought they enjoyed hanging out and were unusually social. And then I realized a lot of them were pretty much always drunk or blazed at these neighborhood get-togethers. It could be 5pm trick or treating or 1pm at a Memorial Day BBQ, and they are already tanked. I am not a teetotaler, but I quickly started bowing out of these events because I don't enjoy hanging out with people who are that inebriated that often over the age of 35 or so. Especially not as a parent at events where kids are present too. There were also hints of other issues (affairs, messiness with relationships and money that were discussed publicly, a lot of gossip about other people in the neighborhood whenever they weren't around). My DH and I definitely backed away slowly after accepting a few invites from the "neighborhood crew" to hang out. I'm sure they wound up deciding we were snobs and "unfriendly". It was such a relief to move and not be around that anymore.

This describes Harbor View in Lorton to a tee.

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were young I lived in one of these "idyllic" neighborhoods where the parents were all friends, the kids played and were friends, etc. It is a lifeline when kids are little. Toward the end I really, really wanted to get away from the kid immediately next door.

It has an underbelly. There will be drama. And then you live in the middle of the drama. Kids will most definitely NOT all stay friends.

We moved when my kids were later elementary and I am thrilled to live on a street where I am friendly with all and friends with none of them. I have friends that aren't based on physical location.

+1, exact same experience.

Also, in my old neighborhood, the super "social" people were mostly just alcoholics. At first I just thought they enjoyed hanging out and were unusually social. And then I realized a lot of them were pretty much always drunk or blazed at these neighborhood get-togethers. It could be 5pm trick or treating or 1pm at a Memorial Day BBQ, and they are already tanked. I am not a teetotaler, but I quickly started bowing out of these events because I don't enjoy hanging out with people who are that inebriated that often over the age of 35 or so. Especially not as a parent at events where kids are present too. There were also hints of other issues (affairs, messiness with relationships and money that were discussed publicly, a lot of gossip about other people in the neighborhood whenever they weren't around). My DH and I definitely backed away slowly after accepting a few invites from the "neighborhood crew" to hang out. I'm sure they wound up deciding we were snobs and "unfriendly". It was such a relief to move and not be around that anymore.

Yes our kids are friends with neighborhood kids on our street. Same age and play outside multiple times a week. We are friends with several neighborhood parents of same age kids and socialize with them. It's so easy.

I know all the parents on my block, and we’re friendly. Invite them to our kids birthday party, ocassionally hang out. But the best thing is the village - run out of milk? Need a kiwi? Need emergency help? Someone’s got it. We’re all there for each other. There is no drama. Just kindness and community.

When my kids were young I lived in one of these "idyllic" neighborhoods where the parents were all friends, the kids played and were friends, etc. It is a lifeline when kids are little. Toward the end I really, really wanted to get away from the kid immediately next door.

It has an underbelly. There will be drama. And then you live in the middle of the drama. Kids will most definitely NOT all stay friends.

We moved when my kids were later elementary and I am thrilled to live on a street where I am friendly with all and friends with none of them. I have friends that aren't based on physical location.

Anonymous wrote:I am friendly with all neighbors in our neighborhood, because I usually organize community potlucks for the neighborhood (gratis). My social language/ice breaker was to feed people.

When our kids were little, I made sure that my home was the home where kids came to play. I had a huge backyard play area for kids to hang out, a huge play area within the house and I invited every parents to bring their children and have coffee with me while the kids played. I also made the whole proposition very attractive by providing hot meals and snacks for parents and children.

I am a non-White immigrant. I come from a very different kind of parenting and social culture. I did not believe in letting my kids away from my sight and I was always around to keep an eye on them. I was the involved parent at school, the carpooling parent, the chaperone parent on field trips. My kids are grown up now and they tell me that in their minds I became the only reliable parent who had the answer to all problems.

There is a mom like this in my neighborhood and some of us go out of our way to avoid her. It can be a very controlling behavior, always insisting on hosting and driving and being in charge of events. One of my kids is friends with one of hers, but because she will only host and does not allow her kids to go to other kids' houses, it harms the friendship. My DD likes going over there okay but would like to host her friend in her house, too. It's off-putting that she won't let her kid go to someone else's house even for a few hours. Same with carpools -- she only wants to host carpools and doesn't want anyone else to drive. She doesn't trust anyone else to drive her kids. Okay, but then why would I send my kids with her? It's just weird. It seems social at first because of all the invites and the food, but over time you realize it's actually the opposite of social because she doesn't trust anyone and she needs to be in charge of everything or she won't participate. It's very off-putting.

And it's weird for you to need to be to be the "only reliable parent who had the answer to all problems." That doesn't describe anyone. Lots of parents are reliable. No one has the answer to everything. The best parents I know have a lot of humility and are quick to admit they don't know it all.

We are a neighborhood of 45 homes. 10 families are in a close group and DH and I are a part of it. I would say they are like my family and if I call them in the middle of the night, they will stand by me in an emergency.

I actually know most of our neighbors. I am quite blessed.

We're friendly. They're not my best friends, but I like them. I'm often friendlier with parents of kids close in age to mine, but not exclusively.

Our kids are mostly in the 8-10 range where they can play outside without as much supervision now, we don't spend as much time together now though.

I am friendly with all neighbors in our neighborhood, because I usually organize community potlucks for the neighborhood (gratis). My social language/ice breaker was to feed people.

When our kids were little, I made sure that my home was the home where kids came to play. I had a huge backyard play area for kids to hang out, a huge play area within the house and I invited every parents to bring their children and have coffee with me while the kids played. I also made the whole proposition very attractive by providing hot meals and snacks for parents and children.

I am a non-White immigrant. I come from a very different kind of parenting and social culture. I did not believe in letting my kids away from my sight and I was always around to keep an eye on them. I was the involved parent at school, the carpooling parent, the chaperone parent on field trips. My kids are grown up now and they tell me that in their minds I became the only reliable parent who had the answer to all problems.

We absolutely were when DS was <10 years old. Some of my best memories are summer evenings where the neighbor parents camped out in a driveway together while the kids ran around the yard playing silly kid games.

After around 9/10 though, kids got too involved in their own activities and friendships became more about interests and less about proximity. A few of the core families moved away and things fell apart. I haven't spoken to my next door neighbor in probably a year, not out of malice but just because we are never outside in the evenings anymore.

Cordial with most and the relationship seems to have nothing to do with the age of the kids. It's the parents who matter.

We are friendly with neighborhood parents, but not best friends. Our kids are similar ages, but not the same, and they do play outside occasionally and that is lovely.

I have no desire to become an Ashburn mom.

proximity and availability matter most until ~8-10 years old. And try not to have your friend group overlap your kids' friend groups, it creates drama.

I am fairly close with four moms. Three of them, the kids used to be friends but aren’t anymore. All same ages as my kids.
My youngest has a best friend across the street and the mom won’t speak to me. She sends her husband over to relay a message if her kids (twins) are at our house. I figure she’s just an oddball.
The rest of my kids friends, the moms are friendly and we have each others phone numbers but we don’t talk outside of kid logistics and we don’t hang out without kids.
My husband is not friends with any dads at all.