Reply to How much of this is normal teen stuff?

Forum Index » Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities

Reply to "How much of this is normal teen stuff?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]She is very rigid and stubborn and has decided that she wants to take all of the highest level classes in HS,[/quote]

This should not be her choice. This should be a parental choice. With teacher/school input. She does not gt to decide. If you want some framework, this is what I would do: Re: Final Year-End Grades only ... she can choose 1 more advanced level subject for next year for every 2 B+s she gets. She selects 1 class choosing between those 2 subjects. (you could make a B rather than a B+ be the criteria)[/quote]

I think this is really the wrong take - that the parent decides and she does not get to decide.  For some students, taking challenging classes is the only thing that motivates them to any degree in school.  This was certainly the case with my DD who was taking all the hardest classes but at the same time had a 504 plan with many accommodations.  It would definitely made her life worse if we had pulled her from the harder courses.  We respected her decision but made sure that she had accommodations that she needed to support her in that effort. Several times I had to insist (at her request) that she be put into a class over the objections of a teacher or counselor.  In one instance, the school "lost" her application to an AP class (for which there were no pre-requisites, so I'm not sure why there was an application process at all) and in another instance when a counselor registered for 2 classes that the counselor insisted would be too hard to take together.  She got As in both classes and went on to be a TA in one of the classes. We also went to bat for her when teachers refused to implement the 504 plan.  Partnering with her in HS to support her desire to access advanced classes was an important demonstration of our support for her, but also modeled how to self-advocate and use supports when necessary.

The parent and the student should have an honest discussion about the course load. The student should say why they want to take the course & the parent should listen.  The parent should express any concerns about stress management, failure to turn in course work, ramifications of a "bad" grade in terms of college apps, and supports necessary (accommodations, tutoring, etc.).  The best outcome if you let the student decide but get some agreement what supports to put in place and when to pull the trigger on them (i.e. it's better to have agreement on a tutor upfront and withdraw that over time if the student doesn't need it.  It's better to have an extra time accommodation if eligible and not use it if it becomes unnecessary.)

OP, the kind of rigidity you mention is not normal teen behavior.  School teams are notorious for being inaccurate and underplaying issues.  If there is autism or ADHD or mental illness, your school team will be unlikely to "diagnose" this in a way that makes it apparent to you that there is a basis for diagnosis.  If you can afford a supplemental private neuropsychological assessment, I would do that.  If you can't, I would look for a screening by a psychiatrist in your health plan. A qualified psychiatrist should be able to spot possible autism, ADHD, anxiety, depression, etc. [/quote]

OP here. Thank you so much for this perspective. I feel like our daughter might be similar in needing to be challenged.  That makes sense to me and also explains why she adamantly refuses to pursue anything that feels "easy" to her even if she excels in it or has a natural interest in it.

I'm not sure if we are just stuck in a vicious cycle, but we haven't been able to have a civil "honest discussion" in a long time.  Maybe our relationship has degraded over this.  I did attempt - I told her I wanted to understand the reasons she wanted to take all advanced classes - she said because she know she's capable of it, even though I think she's not. She says she has "high standards".

I told her I know she's capable but I had concerns  -- that taking all 5 advanced classes next year would multiply her workload by a lot compared to the 1 advance class she has now. And that based on how much time it takes her to complete her workload now, I was concerned about what she had to give up to keep up - either her grades (during a time in might actually matter), sleep, or something else.

That didn't go over well at all. She said I was trying to ruin her life, said it wasn't my decision to make, and I should go mind my own business, and she knew it was pointless talking to me and stormed out. The biggest issue is this opposition.

We will likely pursue an outside eval. I wish we had just started there.  At this point it feels like we wasted a lot of time
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics