Anonymous wrote:My kids are older (younger DD is graduating this year), and it doesn't seem to me that the advanced classes require much more homework than the regular ones. Most of the work seems to be done in class, and my DD (who is taking all IB/DE classes with a few electives) seems to have little to do at home).

In general, she has found the advance classes less stressful than the regular ones because of the peer group. When she has taken regular-level classes, the kids are often more disruptive and the teacher has to spend a great deal of time on discipline. There also seems to be more busywork.

The other thing is that if she tries the advanced classes and realizes they are too challenging, she can drop down a level during the first quarter.

Anonymous wrote:You need to have her professionally tested and evaluated.

Schools cannot do that or diagnose your kid.

My money is that she is 2e….everything you posted suggests probably high iq, with something else average or below average l. Commonly working memory but did not hear she loses stuff all the time which is the most common symptom.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm going to suggest you tackle this as if you were eating an elephant.

First things first. You think the school evaluation is likely going to prove useless. So it's time to make an appointment for a private neuropsych or get a referral from your pediatrician for a psychiatrist to do some screening tests. If you can afford it, I'd recommend a neuropsych because it will give you the most information. The big practices that do these know their stuff - I recommend them over the smaller 1-2 person shops.

Second. Focus on connecting with your kid. See what you can do NOW to improve your relationship with her, find common ground etc. Start trying to figure out what kinds of scaffolding help fill in the gaps for her vs. exacerbating them. Let go of 'age appropriate' expectations and try to meet her where she is now. Focus on what you like about her and what she does well and come back to that when you are frustrated or worried or mad.

Third. Let her sign up for advanced classes next year - the start of high school is nearly six months away and whatever path you/she chooses now is not set in stone. Pick your battles, play the long game. If you are able to successfully execute steps 1 and 2, you'll have a lot more information to work with by the time high school starts.

Good luck! This stuff is really hard.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm going to suggest you tackle this as if you were eating an elephant.

First things first. You think the school evaluation is likely going to prove useless. So it's time to make an appointment for a private neuropsych or get a referral from your pediatrician for a psychiatrist to do some screening tests. If you can afford it, I'd recommend a neuropsych because it will give you the most information. The big practices that do these know their stuff - I recommend them over the smaller 1-2 person shops.

Second. Focus on connecting with your kid. See what you can do NOW to improve your relationship with her, find common ground etc. Start trying to figure out what kinds of scaffolding help fill in the gaps for her vs. exacerbating them. Let go of 'age appropriate' expectations and try to meet her where she is now. Focus on what you like about her and what she does well and come back to that when you are frustrated or worried or mad.

Third. Let her sign up for advanced classes next year - the start of high school is nearly six months away and whatever path you/she chooses now is not set in stone. Pick your battles, play the long game. If you are able to successfully execute steps 1 and 2, you'll have a lot more information to work with by the time high school starts.

Good luck! This stuff is really hard.

Anonymous wrote:You need to have her professionally tested and evaluated.

Schools cannot do that or diagnose your kid.

My money is that she is 2e….everything you posted suggests probably high iq, with something else average or below average l. Commonly working memory but did not hear she loses stuff all the time which is the most common symptom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She is very rigid and stubborn and has decided that she wants to take all of the highest level classes in HS,

This should not be her choice. This should be a parental choice. With teacher/school input. She does not gt to decide. If you want some framework, this is what I would do: Re: Final Year-End Grades only ... she can choose 1 more advanced level subject for next year for every 2 B+s she gets. She selects 1 class choosing between those 2 subjects. (you could make a B rather than a B+ be the criteria)

I think this is really the wrong take - that the parent decides and she does not get to decide. For some students, taking challenging classes is the only thing that motivates them to any degree in school. This was certainly the case with my DD who was taking all the hardest classes but at the same time had a 504 plan with many accommodations. It would definitely made her life worse if we had pulled her from the harder courses. We respected her decision but made sure that she had accommodations that she needed to support her in that effort. Several times I had to insist (at her request) that she be put into a class over the objections of a teacher or counselor. In one instance, the school "lost" her application to an AP class (for which there were no pre-requisites, so I'm not sure why there was an application process at all) and in another instance when a counselor registered for 2 classes that the counselor insisted would be too hard to take together. She got As in both classes and went on to be a TA in one of the classes. We also went to bat for her when teachers refused to implement the 504 plan. Partnering with her in HS to support her desire to access advanced classes was an important demonstration of our support for her, but also modeled how to self-advocate and use supports when necessary.

The parent and the student should have an honest discussion about the course load. The student should say why they want to take the course & the parent should listen. The parent should express any concerns about stress management, failure to turn in course work, ramifications of a "bad" grade in terms of college apps, and supports necessary (accommodations, tutoring, etc.). The best outcome if you let the student decide but get some agreement what supports to put in place and when to pull the trigger on them (i.e. it's better to have agreement on a tutor upfront and withdraw that over time if the student doesn't need it. It's better to have an extra time accommodation if eligible and not use it if it becomes unnecessary.)

OP, the kind of rigidity you mention is not normal teen behavior. School teams are notorious for being inaccurate and underplaying issues. If there is autism or ADHD or mental illness, your school team will be unlikely to "diagnose" this in a way that makes it apparent to you that there is a basis for diagnosis. If you can afford a supplemental private neuropsychological assessment, I would do that. If you can't, I would look for a screening by a psychiatrist in your health plan. A qualified psychiatrist should be able to spot possible autism, ADHD, anxiety, depression, etc.