Reply to Having kids with 6+ year age gap

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband is the oldest of four, with a 13 year age gap with is youngest sister, who is 7 years younger than the next youngest kid.  I met my DH at 18 when the youngest was 5, so I have observed much of their dynamic.  His youngest sister did grow up mostly like an only child, but I think that she turned out great and certainly everyone is happy that she came along.  My DH has said that it frustrated him as a teen because a family tends to default to what is possible for its youngest member.  They took vacations that were geared toward little kids even when he was a teen, holidays never progressed past little kid traditions even when he was a full grown adult, etc.

The biggest downside I experienced was that his parents were still really focused on being the parents of a little kid when DH and I were in our early-mid 20s and they did not know or try to be good parents to an adult child.  They just kept treating my DH like he was a kid long past when they needed to change that relationship and it put a lot of strain on my DH and his relationship with his parents.  I don't think that has to happen, but if you have a big age gap as a parent, you do have to be very careful to not treat all your children the same and try to keep the nuclear family dynamic the same instead of letting your older children and your relationship with them grow and evolve.  It took years for his parents to repair some of the damage they had done to their relationship with my DH by treating him as if he was a child when he was an adult.  We are all very close now (DH and I are in our 50s and his parents are in their 80s) but there were a few rocky years.  Not a reason not to have another kid, but a reason to be really thoughtful about how you treat your older children if you do.  [/quote]

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