My husband is the oldest of four, with a 13 year age gap with is youngest sister, who is 7 years younger than the next youngest kid. I met my DH at 18 when the youngest was 5, so I have observed much of their dynamic. His youngest sister did grow up mostly like an only child, but I think that she turned out great and certainly everyone is happy that she came along. My DH has said that it frustrated him as a teen because a family tends to default to what is possible for its youngest member. They took vacations that were geared toward little kids even when he was a teen, holidays never progressed past little kid traditions even when he was a full grown adult, etc.

The biggest downside I experienced was that his parents were still really focused on being the parents of a little kid when DH and I were in our early-mid 20s and they did not know or try to be good parents to an adult child. They just kept treating my DH like he was a kid long past when they needed to change that relationship and it put a lot of strain on my DH and his relationship with his parents. I don't think that has to happen, but if you have a big age gap as a parent, you do have to be very careful to not treat all your children the same and try to keep the nuclear family dynamic the same instead of letting your older children and your relationship with them grow and evolve. It took years for his parents to repair some of the damage they had done to their relationship with my DH by treating him as if he was a child when he was an adult. We are all very close now (DH and I are in our 50s and his parents are in their 80s) but there were a few rocky years. Not a reason not to have another kid, but a reason to be really thoughtful about how you treat your older children if you do.

My younger sister was born when I was 7.5. We did not get along well as kids. I was always the babysitter, which I resented. We get along okay now, but that may be because she lives halfway across the country and I only see her about once a year for a few days. It’s still hard for me to respect her as an adult, even though she’s in her 30s, because she’s always been the baby and still acts that way a lot of the time. Maybe it would play out differently in your family, since there are more kids and probably different personalities. However, I did not want that age gap for my own kids. They are 19 months apart.

My family is like this - some kids close in age and some big age gaps. Somethings are hard, but there's more good stuff. we are all close now (typical kid stuff growing up)

My advice is to remember that 5/6/7 years is enough time for things to significantly change. Schools/day care/babysitters/lessons, etc - be open to change/trying new things.

Also, things will never be perfectly "fair." do your best to be even with your time/money/effort, but remember that you have a different family/kids and make the best choice you can for the current time.

a baby needs love and sounds like you will have plenty to go around.

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad age gap.

It would be much easier to have the oldest two close in age and the youngest two close in age. Instead you’re going to have one young kid slowing down the family while the big kids get annoyed that they can’t do anything because of the baby. It sounds like a hard dynamic to navigate.

That’s not how it works in reality, IME. The baby goes wherever the older kids need to be and is exposed to far more social stimuli than the older kids were.

I think this is a bad age gap.

It would be much easier to have the oldest two close in age and the youngest two close in age. Instead you’re going to have one young kid slowing down the family while the big kids get annoyed that they can’t do anything because of the baby. It sounds like a hard dynamic to navigate.

we have kids with 6 year gap and family is happy- youngest one just comes along to kids activities. It’s been perfectly fine kids don’t fight as much, less competition and we were able to give oldest one enough attention before having our second. I’m an older mom but so far physically fit and active so it’s been perfectly fine to keep up with younger one.

Age gap is fine - it’s more if you’re financially and physically ready for another child. And 39 is not old LOL.

Why would you create extra work for yourself? Start all over again with no sleep and diapers and a car seat and stroller?

Both people I knew who grew up like this (6-10 years younger than the next youngest sibling, and a sibling group of 4 kids total) striking live up to the negative stereotypes of both youngest and onlys -- as adults, they are both a strange mix of indulged/babied and also obliviously self-centered.

With siblings so much older, I knew their friends. Their good friends were around a lot, like second brothers. But my friends were young children, so not as interesting to teens.

Same imbalance - I was schlepped to my older siblings' activities but they, as teens or older, were not in attendance at my activities. They were busy with teen life or already out of the house. It made for an imbalance and the result is, I feel I know them pretty well, their activities, their friends and do not think they know me well.

Child psychologists confirm that an age gap of 5+ yrs between siblings is really more like an only child situation- as others have referenced. Not good nor bad, but for you to consider.

Not having the back-to-back or overlapping tuitions is a benefit, unless private school tuition is in the mix. My kids are 5.5 years apart and they are not super close, but there is not as much rivalry as I see in closer age range siblings. My youngest gets a wider timeframe to observe (and probably judge) the choices my eldest makes…so the baby you are thinking about having will have many sources of wisdom to lean on. My eldest didn’t seem to resent his sibling for anything either, we try to keep things balanced amongst the two (in terms of attention, support, overall energy etc). Some kids need more support than others.

My brother was 6 years older than me — and he was the center of my universe when I was younger. Since that’s the only age gap I experienced as a sibling, I can see lots of advantages— from each getting lots of 1-1 time with parents, to not having overlapping college tuitions. I think my independence was fostered by having a sibling with different experiences and expectations within our family.

My sister is almost 7 years younger than me, born when my mom was in her 40s. I will say mom struggled while pregnant and that was tough, but my sister and I are quite close today. I used to make scavenger hunts and such with her starting when she was 3ish.