Reply to What constitutes a Betrayal in marriage?

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Reply to "What constitutes a Betrayal in marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Wow! This is really insightful. Thanks so much.

"Of course the onus is on both partners to "repress their urge" of whatever is damaging the marriage. The original point is that not everything that is damaging to a marriage is "a betrayal" the way that cheating is "a betrayal" to most people. It is possible to have bad things happen in a marriage that are not cheating. Many of them are very painful, but many posters here whose partners have cheated on them are not willing to allow that any other kind of pain is on that level. It's a function of their trauma, but it definitely functions to minimize the trauma of other people.

The issue with the "onus" argument is that the only response that the wronged spouse has is to leave. If your husband decides he doesn't want kids after 5 years, that is probably traumatic on the same level of your husband deciding he wants to sleep with other women after 5 years, but your only recourse is to leave. You can't force him to have kids because he said he wanted them in the past. All you can do is be wronged and move on. People with betrayal wounds like this really crave some kind of restitution or atonement or for it to just work out the way they wanted, and that's just not always possible."[/quote]

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