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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would talk to your older daughter and let her know that it's really important to you to get to take her dress shopping for prom and homecoming.  So if Dad all of a sudden springs on her that he and Tiffani want to take her shopping, she can deflect and say, "Sorry, Mom and I already have plans to shop next Saturday."

Beyond that, I would not mention a thing to your ex.  He wants that.  He did this to provoke you.  Don't give him the satisfaction or power.  It's good he is your ex.[/quote]

oh god please don't put this on your kid to handle.

op, I get it. but I think you need to just let this slide rather than turning it into a Thing.[/quote]

It is okay to communicate your needs and wants to your kids.  It really is.  It helps for kids to know what is important to you.  That would be different than holding the kids responsible for holding a line for you or resenting them if they don’t.  But it’s really a gift to make your hopes and needs clear rather than being passive.  And it is excellent modeling for your child on how to handle difficult relationships. [/quote]

No it really isn't. OP can talk to her ex but putting the child in the middle isn't fair to them. Telling your child they need to push back against their dad and stand up for your needs against him and be the one to not let him do things that might upset you is so incredibly unhealthy. The fact that you think using your kids as pawns is quite unfortunate. If OP has an issue - she should be an adult and talk to her ex, not expect her children to be the go between. It isn't on the child if OP is unhappy, or the child's repsonsiblity to manage the conflict between the parents. If mom and dad both inundate the child with their needs and wants and expect the child to manage not only their own needs and wants but also mom and dads - well you are creating a mess. [/quote]

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