Reply to Do men care about emotional intimacy?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Do men care about emotional intimacy?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Yes, of course we crave emotional connection. However, most of us have been told our entire lives that having emotions make us weak and undesirable. Coming home and saying "that day sucked and I feel like I want to ball up on the couch and have you hold me" isn't exactly seen as acceptable for men. We live with the duality of needing to be seen as "strong" and "able to provide" without acknowledging that we have complex identities that may not fit this model.

I've often reflected on the fact that in my 20's I didn't have the vocabulary to talk about my emotional side- what I needed to feel safe to open up, how to admit that I had emotions at all, etc.

I haven't dated in years (and I'm a man) but think about the questions you are asking. Are they open ended "impress me" type of questions? In getting to know people, what do you prioritize? Are you balancing questions where he may feel like he has to perform/meet a certain bar (where you live, work, what you drive, what do you like to do) with those that are measuring his ability to emotionally connect?

Are you just playing a cat/mouse game with sex or are you setting expectations for emotional connection (like demonstrating emotional aptitude) before seeking physical intimacy?

Consider asking a few deeper/probing things like "what's something you were wrong about, but looking back that was a good thing?" Or, lighter version "you seem so laid-back, what is it like when you get frustrated? When you were a kid was it the same?"

I'm not sure this will work- I'm no dating expert. However, I've been around a long time and have struggled as a man to find my emotional side. It was hard. It took deep caring from someone convinced that when I was ready to share my real self, they were willing to listen and be there for me without judgement.

Not all men are like me, but you may find that you can suss that out a bit more based on the way you are approaching dating too. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics