Reply to Parents daily visits, mom constantly "cleaning" our spaces

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You say ‘lately,’ how long has this been going on? I think you can say, politely, that you love having her over but every week night is getting to be a bit much. Tell her you need time to wind down just your immediate family, and ask she only come on Mondays or Wednesday or whatever. Maybe suggest they come over early enough to eat dinner together and then you can actually spend time together vs her hanging out in bedrooms. It sounds like they are lonely, or maybe your mom is sliding into dementia. But I would nip it in the bud now before the every day thing becomes totally normal.

Are you Greek by any chance? My Greek in laws describe a similar dynamic with parents coming over every night, just because they were bored. I’m glad we live many states away, or I’m sure they would be in my house every day too![/quote]

Part Greek and Eastern European. I agree with the previous poster that I think it's her way of being part of our lives. While she is up there, my dad is bored and sits on his phone. She has always been sensitive and easy to anger so we are afraid to set her off. She is 70.[/quote]

Sounds just like my Greek ILs, with the quick to anger too! There isn’t really another way around it. Either you tell her the nightly visits are too much, or you grit your teeth and deal with it for another decade or so. You’re just going to have to explain it to her, and let her be angry, but I bet she’ll come around.

I get all the posters who say it would be nice and helpful, but I bet they never had a parent coming into their space every day! You’re not trying to have her NEVER come, just set some reasonable limits!

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Yes, this. I have asked them before if they can take some nights off and they get upset and storm off and say they are moving to Europe and never coming back. Then, after a week or two, things slowly go back to normal. There is no real way to have healthy boundaries as they are both very sensitive and difficult to talk to. I guess that is just the way they are and it is becoming worse as they get older. If i lock the doors, they get upset that they cant get in. They have our garage code. Basically, I have to grit my teeth and just accept this and make sure to never be like this with my own kids. I also worry about my dad going first as he is older and she causes him a lot of stress with her spending and doesn't like him socializing with other people. I hope this never happens because she wont be able to live on her own. Thanks for letting me vent here and for all of the suggestions.[/quote]

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