Reply to Loss of Friendship over teen girls

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[quote=Anonymous]I think this really depends on whether you think this comment really reflects who she is, or whether she said something badly worded in a moment of stress.  Risking teen girls is really really hard.   I don’t know how the whole conversation went, but I can imagine a world in which she said “let’s just get together for drinks without the girls” and you pushed back on why, and she said something along those lines.  Some teen girls are really, really restrictive about their social interactions. Often it’s anxiety based.  For some anxious girls, that looks like they are socially awkward and excluded.  But for other anxious girls it can look like mean popular girl behavior — they have a circle of friends and because they are socially anxious, it is really hard for them to socialize with other people.  So maybe her daughter is in that latter group, and if she was self harming that suggests that she is having some level of anxiety.  So I can see a decent person, when pressed about why can’t the girls hang out, saying something like — look, I can’t force my daughter to hang out with someone just to be nice to them.

I’ve known popular tween girls who are great about hanging out with lots of different people — they are usually easy going, outgoing personalities.   I’ve also known some that come off as snobby because they feel incredible amounts of stress at hanging out with girls that aren’t in their immediate “safe” circle of friends.

You say you’ve known this woman for a decade.  Do you generally think she’s kind of a mean person?  Or is she generally a kind person?  That would make all the difference here.  We don’t know her.  
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