Reply to How to deal with sense of self worth post divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous]Yes, PP at 21:06! I am way earlier in the process and got dumped flat out of nowhere. My DD and I are reeling. But in spite of the terrible upheaval that’s coming our way and what I know will be financial disaster, I feel a weight slowly rising from my shoulders. Like you I shrank myself down to nothing and didn’t even know it- SAHM to appease his career demands, dropped my hobbies because he couldn’t ever commit to a scheduled etc. I did a damn good job at being a great mom and an incredible partner and supporter, and to be told that wasn’t good enough crushed me.

But I’m starting to wonder why? Why would someone ditch a wife who made their life amazing and full of ease? It’s nothing I did and reflects only on STBX’s mental and emotional shortcomings.

OP, you have lost yourself and if you’re like some of us here, you may have rewritten who you were just to shrink into the little box your partner forced you into. It happens slowly and sometimes without you even knowing it.

I am still working on “letting” myself buy juice at the store (previously forbidden!), “letting” myself put the pretty pillowcases on, “letting” myself watch the show I like instead of the one that wouldn’t get me criticized by STBX. As I reacquaint myself with the idea of choosing me, it is scary and unsettling because I’ve internalized that picking what I like or meeting my needs=risking punishment.

Go stand in a grocery store and ask yourself what you want to eat, and what your favorite treat is. Pick your Netflix show, not the one you know he wouldn’t make fun of if he saw it in the queue. Start really, really small but start defining yourself.

It’s easier to do it in that direction than to start big and run headlong into the “what is my value as a human being” wall. [/quote]

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