Reply to How to deal with sense of self worth post divorce?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How to deal with sense of self worth post divorce?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Spend more time around women, especially those 10-20 years older than you. 50s-60s women are the absolutely best.

It's like this whole other world nobody even knows exists, where we all do whatever TF we want. [/quote]

I'm 15 months out from my ex suddenly leaving me and OMG I cannot believe how small I made myself for that man, and for the world at large I guess. I really had zero idea what the patriarchy had done to me.

It's like every day is "yes day" and I get to prioritize my own needs and desires. I mean, obviously I still prioritize my teens as well, but I get actual whole chunks of the week off where it's somebody else's responsibility.

I did have to reckon with the whole "but what is my value?" I had to do a lot of that before, too, though, because I have a chronic illness and can't work. So being a wife and mother was, like, my one job, and I got . . . fired from it? After I already had to give up my career and feel like shit 80% of each day?

But no, actually, there is liberation in just being stripped down to your beating heart. I have value because I live and breathe and love people. Not many people, mind you! Only people who deserve my love. When I was a wife I had to be nice to so.many.people. Now if I don't like someone I just don't reply to their email, I just don't answer their call. That didn't happen overnight; I've had to do this step by step. Like the other day it occurred to me for the first time that if I want to see a show in Philadelphia, I don't need to ask anyone, I don't need a buddy. I just book it. I just go. I don't need a wingwoman or permission.

I matter because I am a clump of sentient cells careening through the universe on a tiny pebble. I matter just because I am. A self-absorbed man-baby with a drinking problem and a history of cheating does not determine my worth. Wherever I go, people tell me how radiant I look, how good divorce seems to be for me. I'm surprised no one has thrown confetti yet.

You matter. Just because you are you.

A year ago I was still sobbing, "What did I do to deserve this?" Today I understand that what I didn't deserve was such an inequitable partnership. And if anyone is going to judge me for my ex's shortcomings, well they're probably not on my list of phone calls and emails I'd actually answer. (All the ones I really love picked me in the divorce.)

Rejection hurts, but it gently reminds us that there will always be love in our lives, just maybe not from who we expected. And always always always, we hold and love ourselves fiercely. Loss is a part of everyone's life. If this has stripped away our identity then we needed to dig a deeper foundation there regardless.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics