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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thanks everybody.  You guys are awesome.  To answer the questions, I feel that I am in no way being abused.  Not even close.  My father had autism and was abusive, and I know the difference.  I even asked our couples therapist if he thought I was being abused becuase I was worried about repeating patterns from my family of origin.  He said he did not think it was anywhere close to that and that he would say something if that was happening because it's unethical not to.

Like one of the posters said, he does a ton of chores.  All sorts of things that my friends complain that their husbands don't even know to do at all.  He's a do-er.  My labor was horrible, and I couldn't even walk in our house, and he built me a wheelchair from an office chair on the first night home from the hospital.  This little contraption that I could roll around the house on with containers for the stuff i needed to breastfeed.

It's just this emotional chasm that I can never breach.  My father touched me sexually a couple of times in adulthood, and I always rebuffed him, and there was no further physcial contact, but when he died, my husband came home from work that night and gave me a hug because i had texted him that my father died. I whispered in his ear with a lot of confusion and hesitation "I'm not sad."  And he said "That's because you got closure when you visited him in the ICU in Massachusetts." Then he walked down the hall to put his shoes on the shoe rack.  That was the end of it.  I literally watched him walk away and stood there dumbstruck. I was thinking "What?!? It's not because I got closure.  It's because he was abusive!!!!"

But hes very sweet.  Like yesterday he knew that he had hurt my feelings in Target, and he grabbed my hand to hold hands when we were in the parking lot and said "How are you feeling?  Is your back pain gone?" (I have chronic back pain).  He knew I was hurt, but he didn't have the language for it.

Our therapist said that he believes he (my husband) loves me deeply and he respects my decision to stay (our kids health would unquestionably suffer if I left, plus a million other reasons).  He said "My goal for your therapy is to help you enjoy the marriage as much as possible."  I'm trying to do that.  Yes, I'm in individual therapy as well.  And thanks for the book recommendation on radical acceptance.  I'm trying to accept.  [/quote]

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