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Reply to "really struggling... need help please"

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[quote=Anonymous]The right couples therapist can make a big difference.  I’m not sure where you are located but I highly recommend the Bruce turnquist group in annapolis.  I found my dh did better with male therapists especially those who work with military ptsd isssues for whatever reason.  
We have been married 12 years with three kids.  Here’s what I did that worked for us:  Cleared my plate to handle most household issues that clearly affected him. So I work very reduced hours (outside the home.) We bought on one income are not big spenders and he is a very stable provider so that works for us.

I see signs that he is stressed that he DOES NOT recognize.  I send him out to go do his favorite hobby a few times a week (not video gaming-something actually social like pickle ball).  He is still a 100% involved dad and very involved and also does many chores-laundry, 50% kitchen, shopping, coaching one kid sport.  But he needs frequent family routine breaks and for whatever reason cannot see it himself so I have to kick him out.

I have a good support network-family and mom-friends who I see weekly and vent/strategize with.  I do not rely on him to be my sole emotional support.

Dh and I go out once a week just us and talk about mostly non kid stuff.  Sometimes this is just a neighborhood walk.

I don’t know if any of this will help but I hope it does.  Number one is focus on what you CAN control and that is 1. how you allocate your time and 2. setting up your support network so you are able to get your needs met beyond what he can offer.  [/quote]

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