Reply to He wants to buy us a place for our kid free time.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]You’ve been together 18+ months and haven’t even met the others children[/b]?

I’d tell him he can buy whatever he wants. Don’t mingle finances with this person. [/quote]

Yep, intentionally because our kids all went through major transitions with the divorces.[/quote]

DP. I'm the "compartmentalization" poster from upthread.

The issue here is that you are essentially living two separate lives. That's why this PP is shocked your kids haven't met this guy. You are serious enough about him that you are considering entering into a situation where you essentially live together when your kids are with your respective exes. Yet you have never met the most important people in one another's lives -- your kids. I get why you have avoided this, but it's insane. And at the same time, the two of you are creating a relationship with each other that seems to be of increasing importance to both of you, enough that you are semi-moving in together, and yet your children have never met him.

Do your kids know he exists? Do they know what you guys do when they aren't around? Will they know about this apartment in the city where you spend half your time? How do they feel about you having what is essentially a separate life from them where they almost don't exist?

Also, what happens if you are living your life with this man, in this apartment he's set up for you to share, and one of your children has a medical emergency while your ex has custody? You will of course rush to be near your child's side. Will your boyfriend come with you to support you, which would be normal and appropriate? Or will they stay behind to let you deal with your child's injury/illness and your ex on your own, to maintain this wall between your two lives?

Or this one: what if YOU are injured or fall ill? Will you still maintain perfect separateness between your boyfriend and your children? How?

To be perfectly honest, my recommendation in a situation like this would be for you not to date anyone seriously during this transition time for your kids, until things are settled enough with your ex that you can feel secure that your kids would be okay with you meeting and dating someone you might have long term potential with.

I think you are trying to have your cake and eat it, too, and it's either going to fizzle out or blow up spectacularly. Some small chance you eventually meet each others kids and blend (for better or worse). But there is absolutely no way that you basically move in with this guy, continue to keep your life with your kids 100% separate, stay together, but never blend your families at all. There is 0% likelihood of that outcome. It will not work.[/quote]

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