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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow, so holidays mean something…to you.

Holidays come with expectations…for you.

And your brother is his own person, who clearly doesn’t share that priority or expectations.

OK.

Would you rather he and his wife and kids never see you and your family, but show up randomly three or four days a year for holidays? Or might you feel grateful that you see them more regularly, have a good relationship, but do your own thing for holidays?

Why do some people act like holidays are such a must-do, performative thing? My brother and his partner sometimes join us for holidays, sometimes not. They didn’t want to join our Thanksgiving this year, but we have plans to see them the next weekend. OK![/quote]
This. I suspect large family gatherings are emotionally tough for his wife since she has no family left.
Not exactly the same, but I decided when the kids were little that [b]actual holidays are for nuclear family[/b]. I did not want to drag my kids to someone’s house for Christmas or Easter not did I want to host on those days.  Christmas and Easter in my nuclear family are relaxing - stay in your pajamas half the day for unwrapping.  I love not having the stress of a holiday meal when I wanted to enjoy my day with my children, watching the joy on their faces and hearing the squeals of excitement. [/quote]

What happens when you are widowed and alone?[/quote]
Then I relax in my pajamas and do whatever I want. It is a day just like any other.
My mom moved nearby after my father passed away; youngest was 7 at the time. My ILs are 3 hours away. [She didn’t move to be closer to me, she moved because she had breathing issues (emphysema) at high altitude and I was the only child living near sea level]
For Christmas, I would offer to have her come in the afternoon after all the excitement died down.  She knew there would be no fancy dinner and the kids would still be in their pajamas and probably a bit obsessed with whatever new toy or game. We would sit & drink coffee.
We do big holiday gatherings on Thanksgiving (at my ILs), and my husband and I host after Christmas - just not on the actual day.  My DH’s brother’s wife’s family has a big holiday tradition on Christmas Eve, so it works well to celebrate between Christmas and New Years. My extended family lives in Colorado and we never travel over the holidays. We did once when the oldest 2 were little and got stuck an extra 2 days because of a snow storm.  
I have 4 boys - ranging from 16-28. All single. The oldest 3 have had serious girlfriends.  I will respect whatever holiday tradition they create with their families. 
If I’m being completely honest, chances are my husband will pass away before I do, same with my sisters and friends husbands.  Anyone that wants to move in together in old age will be welcomed, and we can sit in our pajamas and drink coffee all day. One of my divorced friends already jokes about it. [/quote]

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