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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think based on what you said, Christmas is going to be contentious. It’s the only one he cares about, and I’m assuming you do too.

Is there some bone you can throw him on the other holidays? Maybe say he can always have the kids on Labor Day or spring break? Give him fun travel three day weekends like Columbus Day that you don’t care about? Then you can probably get Fourth of July, Thanksgiving and Memorial Day, especially he historically usually worked on those days.

But you’re going to have to give something up on Christmas, and it’s prob going to have to be roughly 50/50. So think hard about what you’d prefer. Alternative years where you get everything (vs nothing). A big chunk of Christmas break while he gets Christmas Day and you just shift your celebration to the 26/27? He gets Christmas Eve and evening while you get Christmas morning? Or do you split Christmas Day?

One thing I’d encourage you to do is think long term. One day, your kids will be grown and married and you’ll have split holidays AGAIN with your in laws. This is a big point in favor of shifting days. My parents divorced, and my mom chose Thanksgiving every year, and gave up Christmas. We just did “fake Christmas” on 12/26 with her. She definitely had some sadness about it. But now? She gets her local kid and grandkid for the well established fake Christmas on 12/26 every single year, and the non local kid every other year, and never has anyone rushing out to get to another dinner or something. So it’s GREAT for her now, while dad is getting Christmas less than half the time because of all the in-law competition. [/quote]

Yes, Christmas will absolutely be contentious. My vent is the one that I'm sure anyone in my situation would have: it seems totally unfair that DC should have to go sit in an empty furnished rental on Christmas Day with DH watching TV when they could be in their childhood home with their pets among friends and family and [b]listening to Christmas carols on our favorite radio station before it goes back to its regular format on the 26th. [/b]And Christmas Eve would be also rough, because DC would miss church and the activities we usually do that day.  DH's life and effort at celebration is perfectly compatible with the 26th/27th, but of course I can't write that into a proposed schedule for an evaluator.

I would love to tempt him with Spring break because I don't really care about it, but in our district DC's birthday is almost always during spring break.

DH might be happy to get 3 day weekends plus breaks long enough for extensive travel so he could be with DC but not have to deal with everyday chores, meal planning, etc. I wonder how people deal with this as DCs reach their teen years? DC is going to be very reluctant to be missing friends, sports practices, games, etc. every school break or long weekend, and would probably have to give up their club sport or would get cut the next tryout cycle if they started missing competitions.

Lots to think about. [/quote]

Oh, come on with the emotional manipulation. Spotify Free Christmas channels and/or YouTube Christmas channels. “Problem” solved.[/quote]

This is harsh, but, I have to agree (different poster). And Op- if your child loves that, he can still do that, just at his dad’s house on those years. The most important thing is to not make him feel like he is missing out on Christmas when he’s at dad’s house. Don’t dump that sort of stuff on him. You will miss him immensely, yes. And of course he will miss you too just like he will miss his dad when he’s at your house on those years. But to frame it as, “it’s Christmas at my house and sitting around in a furnished rental doing nothing at dad’s house” is not going to help your child adjust to the divorce. Right? Let him and dad make their own Christmas traditions without inserting your own feelings into it because if you coach your child to feel the same way you do- then he will absolutely feel like every other year he is missing out. And that’s a terrible way to grow up. Let him frame it in his mind as “this will be different at dads house, but just as fun in its own way” so that he doesn’t feel the same loss that you feel. [/quote]

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