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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Freshman dd is doing great in her classes, has a good job, things are fine socially, but she is calling me daily with worries about worries small and big: bad day at work, I was so worried about this and that or did I mess up with this and that. She's always trashing her own major (a Humanities one) because she seems to mostly meet STEM kids and she feels inferior to them. Her latest worry is whether to sign up for ROTC because she thinks she'd benefit from having a clear path, but she's also dreading it, went for the tour and was told non-stem means fewer chances...It is never ending. Do kids like this find their way? I don't want to guide her toward one path or another and it's really not my decision, but [b]listening to it day in and day out is exhausting.[/b][/quote]

I say this as the mother of a young adult with anxiety and as someone who has also struggled with anxiety..

You should not be listening to it day in and day out. Cut it off.
[b]
People with anxiety seek assurance and reassurance and re-reassurance. It's not helpful--in fact, perseverating is counterproductive.
[/b]
The best advice I can give you is to reduce the amount of assurance you provide her. When she calls about being worried about x or y, don't tell her it's ok, doesn't matter, isn't a big deal, doesn't sound that bad. Don't try to get her to think differently about it. Instead, just say things that mean, "I know you can handle it."

"I know you'll figure it out."
"Well, whatever happens, I know you'll be ok."

And after you've said that *once,* stop saying it. Ask her instead, what usually makes you feel better when you feel this way? Get a list of things in your own head that you can suggest to her that help.

Now, if she is perseverating about something, try changing the subject. Ask her about something else. If you ask her about a couple other things, and those too seem to be points of anxiety and handwringing for her, then talk about something that's not her. Tell her about your day, or something funny the dog did. And if she can't stop, if your conversation can't seem to short-circuit the anxiety, say something like, "It sounds like you're having a hard day. What's your plan to help yourself feel better?" and encourage her to make a plan for one of those things--go for a walk, go to the gym, listen to a meditation podcast, go get some coffee with a friend, etc. And then tell her you know she'll be okay and you have to go, and get off the phone.

Rinse and repeat.

It's also ok--and often extremely helpful--just to cut off nonsense. Trashing your own major? Ridiculous. Don't listen to it. It's ok to say, in a no-nonsense tone, "Alright, that's just silly" and change the subject. It's ok to say, "Larla, I think what you are majoring in is fine, but you seem really unhappy with it. If that's true, you should change. I'm happy to talk to you about other ideas you might have for a major. Otherwise, I'm done talking about this." And after that, if she says "I suck, my major is stupid, STEM majors are so much smarter," just be silent. Remind her that you are done talking about that. Then change the subject.

Sending positive thoughts your way. This is hard.[/quote]

As another parent of a kid with GAD amonog other issues, this is spot on advice.[/quote]

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