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[quote=Anonymous]We call this “borrowing problems from the future” or “future casting”. And you need to call it out and tell her to stop.

I say this with empathy and experience with anxiety. But indulging her whirling worries about what may happen to her in a year or two or four is not helpful.

Cut it off, call it out for what it is (a problem to be considered in X months or years), and help her focus on the immediate present. What is happening for her right NOW?

Here are the facts:

Her job as a freshman in college is not “to know” what she wants to do for a living, what she wants to major in, or what she’s interested in.

Her job as a freshman in college is to take it one tiny step at a time. To try different things. Not to figure out the rest of her life. Just to experience them.

For example, she has 4 or 5 classes this semester. In conversation, make her focus on them. “Tell me about X class.”

When she goes off about not knowing about her major or interests or career blah blah blah cut her off and say, “Ok. Let’s talk about what you have planned for the rest of today.” Again and again and again.

She needs to stop worrying about what everyone else is saying and doing and instead focus on her own life right NOW.

One last tip that has worked in our house: Tell her that’s Future Her will know what to do when it’s time. For example, if she has to declare a major second semester sophomore year, “I know that First Semester Freshman you doesn’t know what to major in. But she doesn’t have to know. It’s Second Semester Sophomore you who will pick a major. And I’m certain she will make a great choice! Now let’s talk about something happening this week.” And then ask a targeted question about something going on now. [/quote]

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