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[quote=Anonymous]"Anti-Hero" (Neurotic College Mom Version)

Verse 1:
I have this thing where I check the portals
For my daughter at breakfast every morning
Did you hear that Jessica's mom says her kid got a likely letter?
It must be exhausting always having me as your mother

Pre-Chorus:
Sometimes I feel like everybody else hired a consultant
But we're just using Naviance
My daughter agrees, my daughter agrees

Chorus:
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
At essay time, my daughter agrees
I'll edit her Common App until it doesn't sound like her
It must be exhausting always writing with me

Verse 2:
I stay up Googling acceptance rate statistics
She wrote about her grandma (but the internet says don't)
I told her rewrite it, make it less depressing
Maybe add a part about perseverance and grit?

Pre-Chorus:
Sometimes I feel like her guidance counselor hates me
I've emailed seven times this week, but, like, it's important
My daughter agrees, my husband agrees

Chorus:
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
At deadline time, my daughter agrees
I'll helicopter-parent her right into therapy
It must be exhausting always having me around

Bridge:
I have this dream where she gets into Yale
And I can finally update my Facebook status
Post the sweatshirt photo, humble-brag in the comments
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
It's me, hi
My therapist agrees, my book club agrees

Final Chorus:
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
She's seventeen, Jesus, let her breathe
I'm projecting all my Ivy League rejections from 1993
It must be exhausting always being my kid

Outro:
(It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me)
She'll probably write her real essay about how I ruined this
(My daughter agrees)[/quote]

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