Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the land of MoCo suburbs, long threads start to rage,
Hot takes and humblebrags rising up through the page.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a username light,
My head grew heavy and my eyes went dim,
I had to log in tonight.

There she stood in the forum doorway,
I heard the posters yell,
And I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Bethesda… or it could be hell.”
Then she lit up the comments, and she showed me the way,
There were voices down the thread corridor,
I thought I heard them say…

Chorus:
🎶 Welcome to the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Such a snarky place (such a snarky place),
Such a face on grace (such a face on grace).
Plenty of drama at the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Any time of year (any time of year),
You can find it here. 🎶

Verse 2:
Her mind is Mommy-and-Me twisted,
She got the Montessori bends,
She got a lot of catty catty posters,
She calls “my friends.”
How they dance on the politics board, sweet summer thread,
Some post to remember, some post to dread.

So I called up the mod,
“Please delete my name,”
He said, “We haven’t had that option here
since 2008.”
And still those voices are typing from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say…

Chorus:
🎶 Welcome to the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Such a snarky place (such a snarky place),
Such a smug embrace (such a smug embrace).
They livin’ it up at the Forum DC UrbanMom,
What a great surprise (what a great surprise),
Bring your thin disguise. 🎶

Bridge:
Private school tuition madness,
$50K a year,
And they say, “We’re not like the others,”
But their nannies all drive here.
And in the Mod’s own chamber,
They gather for the feast,
They stab it with their witty posts,
But they just can’t ban the beast!

Final Verse:
Last thing I remember, I was
Trying to log offline,
“I need to find a thread to close
Before I lose my mind.”
“Relax,” said the Mod man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can log out any time you like,
But you can never leave…”

And who said that chatGPT is soulless? A prompt is all it needs.

Lol… I’m not sure if that was AI but it was really good.

Of course it’s AI and yes, I agree, it’s good.

Omg… Hotel California poster I love you!

Bravo!

Is it safe to assume you all are feds on furlough to be so brilliant and also have the time needed to write like this. Thank you for your service.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid will be all done with their applications, either accepted by ED schools or waiting for RD results.
When it's over, I will never need to visit DCUM again.
Even if I occasionally visit here again, snarky comments will never bother me again.
Darkness before the twilight.
Rant over.

No, no. You will be back. First to gloat or gloom about the results. Then to say that your kid has senioritis in HS. Then to ask what to pack for the dorm. Then to tell us that your kid or the roommate has drama/failing/depressed/addiction. Then to ask about the internships. Then to ask about how many times it is ok for your kid to come back home. Then to talk about the hookup culture. Then to ask how much money he should be given. Then this. Then that. Then you will cry about AI taking away the jobs. Then his love life. Then should you pay for his wedding. Then job. Then kids.

It is never ending. And foolish parents think that college admission is where it ends. NOPE. And if you were waiting to divorce your spouse, well, don't do it. Because you will mess up your kid.

And once they have kids...should you provide childcare? Allow them to live rent-free for some years so that they can have a chance for a future?

And then will the DIL ax you for the $...

Anonymous wrote:In the land of MoCo suburbs, long threads start to rage,
Hot takes and humblebrags rising up through the page.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a username light,
My head grew heavy and my eyes went dim,
I had to log in tonight.

There she stood in the forum doorway,
I heard the posters yell,
And I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Bethesda… or it could be hell.”
Then she lit up the comments, and she showed me the way,
There were voices down the thread corridor,
I thought I heard them say…

Chorus:
🎶 Welcome to the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Such a snarky place (such a snarky place),
Such a face on grace (such a face on grace).
Plenty of drama at the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Any time of year (any time of year),
You can find it here. 🎶

Verse 2:
Her mind is Mommy-and-Me twisted,
She got the Montessori bends,
She got a lot of catty catty posters,
She calls “my friends.”
How they dance on the politics board, sweet summer thread,
Some post to remember, some post to dread.

So I called up the mod,
“Please delete my name,”
He said, “We haven’t had that option here
since 2008.”
And still those voices are typing from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say…

Chorus:
🎶 Welcome to the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Such a snarky place (such a snarky place),
Such a smug embrace (such a smug embrace).
They livin’ it up at the Forum DC UrbanMom,
What a great surprise (what a great surprise),
Bring your thin disguise. 🎶

Bridge:
Private school tuition madness,
$50K a year,
And they say, “We’re not like the others,”
But their nannies all drive here.
And in the Mod’s own chamber,
They gather for the feast,
They stab it with their witty posts,
But they just can’t ban the beast!

Final Verse:
Last thing I remember, I was
Trying to log offline,
“I need to find a thread to close
Before I lose my mind.”
“Relax,” said the Mod man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can log out any time you like,
But you can never leave…”

Where will you be performing in the DC area? Please send dates when you have them

Anonymous wrote:In the land of MoCo suburbs, long threads start to rage,
Hot takes and humblebrags rising up through the page.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a username light,
My head grew heavy and my eyes went dim,
I had to log in tonight.

There she stood in the forum doorway,
I heard the posters yell,
And I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Bethesda… or it could be hell.”
Then she lit up the comments, and she showed me the way,
There were voices down the thread corridor,
I thought I heard them say…

Chorus:
🎶 Welcome to the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Such a snarky place (such a snarky place),
Such a face on grace (such a face on grace).
Plenty of drama at the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Any time of year (any time of year),
You can find it here. 🎶

Verse 2:
Her mind is Mommy-and-Me twisted,
She got the Montessori bends,
She got a lot of catty catty posters,
She calls “my friends.”
How they dance on the politics board, sweet summer thread,
Some post to remember, some post to dread.

So I called up the mod,
“Please delete my name,”
He said, “We haven’t had that option here
since 2008.”
And still those voices are typing from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say…

Chorus:
🎶 Welcome to the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Such a snarky place (such a snarky place),
Such a smug embrace (such a smug embrace).
They livin’ it up at the Forum DC UrbanMom,
What a great surprise (what a great surprise),
Bring your thin disguise. 🎶

Bridge:
Private school tuition madness,
$50K a year,
And they say, “We’re not like the others,”
But their nannies all drive here.
And in the Mod’s own chamber,
They gather for the feast,
They stab it with their witty posts,
But they just can’t ban the beast!

Final Verse:
Last thing I remember, I was
Trying to log offline,
“I need to find a thread to close
Before I lose my mind.”
“Relax,” said the Mod man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can log out any time you like,
But you can never leave…”

❤️

Love this- keep it coming

The first DCUM thread with zero spite ... so far ... counting the seconds ... where are you guys?

We are all phantom of the opera ... known only to JSTEELE

Anonymous wrote:Kid will be all done with their applications, either accepted by ED schools or waiting for RD results.
When it's over, I will never need to visit DCUM again.
Even if I occasionally visit here again, snarky comments will never bother me again.
Darkness before the twilight.
Rant over.

I was where you are now 12 months ago. Thought it will be over as well and I would be forever free from the DCUM spiteful venom and endless bickering.
But I am still here now ... the venom has filled my heart, hook me for life, and I am now one of the instigators, riling anxious parents and throwing fuel at the rages.
Mark my word, you will still be here 12 months from now ... and forever thereafter

This one is WAY BETTER....

"Anti-Hero" (DC Urban Moms Version)

Verse 1:
I have this thing where I lurk on the forums
Posted my kid's stats anonymously this morning
Did you hear that someone's daughter made USAMO as a sophomore?
It must be exhausting always having me in the carpool

Pre-Chorus:
Sometimes I feel like everybody's kid is at RSI
Mine only made TASP (is that even prestigious?)
The forum agrees, the forum agrees

Chorus:
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
My kid got 1540, everybody agrees
That's not good enough for HYPSM, should she retake?
It must be exhausting having me on the thread

Verse 2:
I stay up reading chance-me posts on College Confidential
She's got the GPA but no national awards (just state-level)
Her summer internship was only at NIH, not published
And we're not legacy anywhere that matters

Pre-Chorus:
Sometimes I feel like we should've paid for that consultant
The one who got three kids into Stanford
My husband agrees, my therapist agrees

Chorus:
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
She's val, but so is everyone we know
I'm spiraling about demonstrated interest and Naviance scattergrams
It must be exhausting, my daughter tells me so

Bridge:
I have this dream where the Ivies release decisions
And everyone on DCUM is posting acceptances
But we're still stuck on the waitlist at our safety
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
It's me, hi, posted as "anonymous"
It's me, hi
Sidwell moms agree, Maret moms agree

Final Chorus:
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
She only took nine APs, everyone can see
Should've done that research gap year before applying
It must be exhausting being raised by me

Outro:
(It's me, hi, "just asking for a friend")
Her essay's about her grandma, should I make her start again?
(The forum agrees, my daughter's crying)
Someone's kid just won Regeneron
(Log off, log off, you're spiraling again)

"Anti-Hero" (Neurotic College Mom Version)

Verse 1:
I have this thing where I check the portals
For my daughter at breakfast every morning
Did you hear that Jessica's mom says her kid got a likely letter?
It must be exhausting always having me as your mother

Pre-Chorus:
Sometimes I feel like everybody else hired a consultant
But we're just using Naviance
My daughter agrees, my daughter agrees

Chorus:
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
At essay time, my daughter agrees
I'll edit her Common App until it doesn't sound like her
It must be exhausting always writing with me

Verse 2:
I stay up Googling acceptance rate statistics
She wrote about her grandma (but the internet says don't)
I told her rewrite it, make it less depressing
Maybe add a part about perseverance and grit?

Pre-Chorus:
Sometimes I feel like her guidance counselor hates me
I've emailed seven times this week, but, like, it's important
My daughter agrees, my husband agrees

Chorus:
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
At deadline time, my daughter agrees
I'll helicopter-parent her right into therapy
It must be exhausting always having me around

Bridge:
I have this dream where she gets into Yale
And I can finally update my Facebook status
Post the sweatshirt photo, humble-brag in the comments
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
It's me, hi
My therapist agrees, my book club agrees

Final Chorus:
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
She's seventeen, Jesus, let her breathe
I'm projecting all my Ivy League rejections from 1993
It must be exhausting always being my kid

Outro:
(It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me)
She'll probably write her real essay about how I ruined this
(My daughter agrees)

Anonymous wrote:Kid will be all done with their applications, either accepted by ED schools or waiting for RD results.
When it's over, I will never need to visit DCUM again.
Even if I occasionally visit here again, snarky comments will never bother me again.
Darkness before the twilight.
Rant over.

RD is 5 months away

Anonymous wrote:These really made my evening. Also, yes Op, I look forward to the college application process being done and wish everyone the best.

Same!

"My Shot (Williams ED Remix)” - parody of song from musical "Hamilton"

(Intro)
I am not throwin’ away my shot!
I am not throwin’ away my shot!
Hey yo, I’m just like my essay — wordy, witty, over-thought,
And I’m not throwin’ away my shot!

I’m applyin’ early, might be crazy, but it’s strategy,
Tryna join the herd of purple cows, defyin’ gravity.
No legacy, no coach to vouch for me, no varsity,
But I’m hopin’ ED1 can give me scarcity’s prosperity!

I got my recs, I got my scores, I got my essay drafts galore,
Talkin’ ‘bout that liberal core, that learning-for-life folklore.
Common App, it’s war —
The portal’s gonna blow when I click submit once more!

(Pre-Chorus)
I’m dreamin’ ‘bout the Berkshires,
‘Bout the snow and all those lectures,
All those art and econ majors,
I’m-a join ‘em if they’ll take us!

(Chorus)
I am not throwin’ away my shot!
No, I’m not throwin’ away my shot!
Hey yo, ED boosts the odds — I might as well take that shot,
And I’m not throwin’ away my shot!

(Bridge)
It’s tough when you ain’t got that hook,
No coach who can get you in with just one look.
They say “fit matters,” well I wrote a book,
On why I’d thrive on Spring Street — take a look!

Financial aid? It’s need-blind, that’s kind,
But stats online? Make me lose my mind —
“Acceptance rate: like 7.9,”
But ED’s lookin’ closer to twenty-nine… (ish!)

Every night I grind through edits on my personal statement,
Writing ‘bout identity, anxiety, displacement.
Got my counselor sayin’, “Kid, don’t fake it —
Williams wants real reflection, don’t overstate it.”

So I’m crafting lines like “curiosity’s my art,”
And I’m praying that admissions folks can feel it in their hearts.
I’m nervous, but I’m earnest — that’s my liberal arts start,
If they take me, I’ll be Eph forever, playin’ my part!

(Final Chorus)
I am not throwin’ away my shot!
No, I’m not throwin’ away my shot!
Hey yo, I’m just like my essay — wordy, witty, over-thought,
And I’m not throwin’ away my shot!

We’re gonna rise up! (Rise up!)
It’s ED time, sign up! (Sign up!)
We’re gonna find out, December lines up —
Decision day — please light my luck up!

(Outro)
I imagine myself in the Quad, the morning snow’s soft,
Admissions said “Congrats!” — I’m lost,
But proud — I took the shot I got —
‘Cause I am not throwin’ away my shot!