Reply to should I watch one grandchild for free?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You're doing a really kind thing, and you will have a lovely bond with your grandkid. It doesn't have to be a negative for the other family; it just doesn't make sense in this situation. They're not even thinking about it, frankly.

Your friend is creating a problem where none exists. Don't listen to her. [/quote]

I disagree. I think the friend pointed out something that is pretty obvious to anyone on the outside who has ever had to worry about childcare. Providing 100% of work time childcare for one grandchild and doing nothing for the other is pretty crappy. And I personally think it's pretty crappy for OP's daughter to provide 40+ hours of free childcare every week. Has your daughter had enough self-awareness to recognize the inequity that is being set up and has SHE verbalized her concern about how grandma is doing so much for her that she is not doing for the other child? I bet the daughter is sort of blissfully ignoring this glaring inequity because she is really counting on free daycare. [/quote]

I have been in this situation myself. It would not occur to me to be resentful about a situation where the logistics make no sense. The other grandkid is too far away for daily childcare to work. It's not an option for them. Why be mad about something that makes no sense for your family situation? There are also lots of downsides to grandparent care-- maybe they wouldn't even want it, if it was possible. Overall, though, the most important thing is that no one in OP's family has approached her about this "problem." It's being invented by someone outside the situation. [/quote]

Imo it depends on whether it is a pattern or just about the childcare which you are right, makes perfect sense logistically. My parents doing a lot of childcare for my brother is part of a pattern of always giving him significantly more materially, allowing more of him in terms of behavior, helping him more well into his 20s, while I had moments of real struggle and they were oblivious to it. The idea was always that I could handle everything on my own. And it's not something I am going to ever bring up because the ship has sailed and my parents are wonderful people aside from this very very odd blind spot, but as a mom I am VERY careful not to repeat these mistakes with my kids.[/quote]

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