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[quote=Anonymous]I know it’s hard to hear, but he 100% has a porn addiction and you cannot change him.

He is the only one who can stop his behavior, and while people are finally starting to speak out about porn addiction being both real and destructive to intimacy and relationships (after women have been condescendingly told for decades that they were ridiculous, histrionic, and insecure for not being okay with it in their relationships), men who have been watching porn since their first smartphone are not likely to want to change even if they could. They’ve spent almost their entire lives using porn as a way to satisfy themselves with any woman they feel like with no work needed on their part, so porn is engrained in both their personality and their brain wiring. Porn is now being compared to crack-cocaine in terms of addiction, and it’s like a rabbit hole where the person will increasingly need more intense topics to trigger the dopamine release they need to function. Porn also satisfies a person in the same way actual sex satisfies someone, so men who watch porn are getting their intimacy needs met from people other than their partners, which affects how they treat their partners. Men who say they watch “occasionally” or “sometimes” are often daily users, which means they’re selfishly satisfying themselves first and you’ll get whatever scraps are leftover, if there are any scraps.

A “good”, “nice guy”,“family man” who is respected in my circle has been watching porn regularly since he was a young teenager. He and his wife have been in a sexless marriage for many years. When she asked him why he thought it was okay to watch porn instead of try to repair the intimacy in their marriage, he said, “because I’m an autonomous person.” And he meant it. He apparently feels no need to sacrifice his own sexual satisfaction to save his marriage. His brain has been destroyed by porn, the ability to watch porn is non-negotiable to him, and his wife is left to either accept it or leave. Many of the women I know have had similar struggles in their marriages, and this personal anecdote is just one of many similar anecdotes.

Porn addiction makes people selfish and your relationship will be doomed before you can even start it. It will be a relationship built upon deception and false premises. Check out reddit’s love after porn sub, or the dead bedrooms sub, if you want to see how many of those women’s stories start with exactly the same experience you are having. Same age, almost verbatim posts. [/quote]

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