What about women who use p*rn ?

Can’t agree enough with the PP above. Porn addiction changes brains, bodies, relationships and marriages and you don’t necessarily know why things are falling apart until it’s too late. Op, you’ve been given the gift of an early warning sign.

My STBX had ED problems because he was getting his physical needs met using porn and then his emotional needs met via a long term secret therapist relationship that was essentially an emotional affair.

I believe the porn addiction led to him giving himself permission to emotionally detach from our relationship and eventually externalize every intimate part of marriage to outside things/people that didn’t demand anything of him.

I know it’s hard to hear, but he 100% has a porn addiction and you cannot change him.

He is the only one who can stop his behavior, and while people are finally starting to speak out about porn addiction being both real and destructive to intimacy and relationships (after women have been condescendingly told for decades that they were ridiculous, histrionic, and insecure for not being okay with it in their relationships), men who have been watching porn since their first smartphone are not likely to want to change even if they could. They’ve spent almost their entire lives using porn as a way to satisfy themselves with any woman they feel like with no work needed on their part, so porn is engrained in both their personality and their brain wiring. Porn is now being compared to crack-cocaine in terms of addiction, and it’s like a rabbit hole where the person will increasingly need more intense topics to trigger the dopamine release they need to function. Porn also satisfies a person in the same way actual sex satisfies someone, so men who watch porn are getting their intimacy needs met from people other than their partners, which affects how they treat their partners. Men who say they watch “occasionally” or “sometimes” are often daily users, which means they’re selfishly satisfying themselves first and you’ll get whatever scraps are leftover, if there are any scraps.

A “good”, “nice guy”,“family man” who is respected in my circle has been watching porn regularly since he was a young teenager. He and his wife have been in a sexless marriage for many years. When she asked him why he thought it was okay to watch porn instead of try to repair the intimacy in their marriage, he said, “because I’m an autonomous person.” And he meant it. He apparently feels no need to sacrifice his own sexual satisfaction to save his marriage. His brain has been destroyed by porn, the ability to watch porn is non-negotiable to him, and his wife is left to either accept it or leave. Many of the women I know have had similar struggles in their marriages, and this personal anecdote is just one of many similar anecdotes.

Porn addiction makes people selfish and your relationship will be doomed before you can even start it. It will be a relationship built upon deception and false premises. Check out reddit’s love after porn sub, or the dead bedrooms sub, if you want to see how many of those women’s stories start with exactly the same experience you are having. Same age, almost verbatim posts.

This is a red flag because it’s a clear sign that he is not sexually attracted to you.
This has nothing to do with ED. If fact, there is no such thing as ED at 30.
Porn and Masturbation don’t cause ED.
They can lead men to become more interested in porn stars, porn sex and some types of sexual practices. They will have a harder time being aroused by “normal sex”.

Why is that not ED? Because these men don’t have any problems having erections and maintaining them for hours when they watch porn or masturbate. Same when they have sex with the type of women they fantasize about in porn.

You are not his sexual type.

porn addiction combined with years of self pleasure only to porn

He needs professional help.

It is not on you to fix him or work with him. Sex with 30 year old men should be good for you.

I dated a guy with this and was made to feel that the problem was me.

Even with professional help it will be challenging for him to overcome.

I also had the selfish fast action thing going on.

Break up. Life’s too short to waste your thirties on unsatisfying sex.

I don't think there would be many relationships if both men and women expect their partners to be amazing in bed, the best sex of their lives, and to always put the other person's needs before your own.

I don't know how many couples would have both parties say that about their partner. If every man and women ditched their partner for not being the most amazing sex partner they ever had - there wouldn't be that many relationships that would make it!

Regardless of the cause, you can't stay in a relationship in your early 30s if the sex isn't good. At that age, it should be amazing, like 3 times a night on a good night, and you can't keep your hands off each other.

Medical science is a better solution than internet voodoo.

What would you want him to do if you had a vaginal issue?

Anonymous wrote:I’m dating a man who is 30 and has ED. He can get it up, but needs to “stick it in” immediately or it’s gone.

He’s asked me to work with him on this, but a lifetime of sex with no foreplay, just shoving it in, sounds horrible to me.

I’ve asked him about seeing a doctor, therapist, etc and he doesn’t think it will help.

Any men have this issue? Were you able to fix it?

2 things.

Is he fat or overweight and out of shape roundish? If so, it's low T and obesity causing high female hormones and cortisol.

If he's in shape, then it's you. Find him a hot petite 18 year old hooker and see if he doesn't become a spring.

Anonymous wrote:I would not accept any problems this big in a relationship at 30 years old. You'll have enough problems in any long-term relationship; you don't want to begin it swimming upstream. At 30, don't settle for bad sex or any other big incompatibilities. You're young enough to keep looking.

This.
Plus he doesn't even want to go to see a doctor about the issue.
Red Flag... Move on.

Gay, porn, cocaine, or mental illness. Move on.

Anonymous wrote:I would not accept any problems this big in a relationship at 30 years old. You'll have enough problems in any long-term relationship; you don't want to begin it swimming upstream. At 30, don't settle for bad sex or any other big incompatibilities. You're young enough to keep looking.

Agree; as described by OP this is a huge issue.

I would not accept any problems this big in a relationship at 30 years old. You'll have enough problems in any long-term relationship; you don't want to begin it swimming upstream. At 30, don't settle for bad sex or any other big incompatibilities. You're young enough to keep looking.