Reply to Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?

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Reply to "Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Leaving is hard, even in the case of severe abuse and serial infidelity. It's even harder when you're married to a gaslighter, and cheating and gaslighting go hand in hand.  You find yourself questioning reality and need a lot of evidence and support to leave.[/quote]

No you don't need evidence. Most women just don't to believe it's actually happening to them. It's their worst nightmare. They know it has happened to other women.

Frankly I wish women just didn't stay married to unfaithful men. If my wife cheats I am out..I am not going to waste my time and energy on therapy to understand why she cheated. There are countless men she can start her life over with. She didn't deserve a chance to explain/justify herself to the man she married. A divorce will set her free and life will be amazing for her.

[/quote]

You need evidence when the person cheating on you is also gaslighting you so much that you lose confidence in your judgment and discernment.  You need hard evidence to know what is real.  You get it for yourself.  Just listen to all the women who have reported some version of this here. [/quote]

Once you're that far gone, you won't believe even the most obvious "proof". [b]You either respect yourself enough to leave or you don't.[/b] [/quote]

This. I had all the proof to convince my friends for years before I finally respected myself enough to pull the plug. Made a lot of excuses in the interim. It's hard to acknowledge that, and it was an important part of my healing: forgiving myself for staying and making all sorts of excuses when I knew it was over.

You don't need "proof". You need to trust and respect your own judgment. If you're paranoid enough to go looking, or hire a PI, or all those things, just trust your gut and go.[/quote]

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