Anonymous
Post 09/24/2025 07:01     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Once you're that far gone, you won't believe even the most obvious "proof". You either respect yourself enough to leave or you don't.


By all means, keep arguing with the lived experience of women on this thread. It’s a good look.

- Another women who pulled the plug the day after I found the proof


You're arguing with someone who simply did the work on herself instead of demanding "proof" from a suspected cheat. so, i mean, do that, if it makes you feel better about your wasted time or whatever, but you don't have the high ground you seem to think you do.


Who on earth is looking for “high ground” here? This isn’t a competition of who left a horrible relationship best. Some people (many, myself included), do best with objective evidence that spurs action. Ultimately, leaving a cheater is the goal. We all need different things to make that happen. Claiming superiority because you “did the work” suggests you have more work to do. Geez.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 20:31     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Leaving is hard, even in the case of severe abuse and serial infidelity. It's even harder when you're married to a gaslighter, and cheating and gaslighting go hand in hand. You find yourself questioning reality and need a lot of evidence and support to leave.


No you don't need evidence. Most women just don't to believe it's actually happening to them. It's their worst nightmare. They know it has happened to other women.

Frankly I wish women just didn't stay married to unfaithful men. If my wife cheats I am out..I am not going to waste my time and energy on therapy to understand why she cheated. There are countless men she can start her life over with. She didn't deserve a chance to explain/justify herself to the man she married. A divorce will set her free and life will be amazing for her.



You need evidence when the person cheating on you is also gaslighting you so much that you lose confidence in your judgment and discernment. You need hard evidence to know what is real. You get it for yourself. Just listen to all the women who have reported some version of this here.


Once you're that far gone, you won't believe even the most obvious "proof". You either respect yourself enough to leave or you don't.


This. I had all the proof to convince my friends for years before I finally respected myself enough to pull the plug. Made a lot of excuses in the interim. It's hard to acknowledge that, and it was an important part of my healing: forgiving myself for staying and making all sorts of excuses when I knew it was over.

You don't need "proof". You need to trust and respect your own judgment. If you're paranoid enough to go looking, or hire a PI, or all those things, just trust your gut and go.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 20:29     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Anonymous wrote:For me, I needed hard proof to "allow" myself to start pulling my kids' lives in two. It's a horrible decision to have to make.

I also needed to prove to myself that I wasn't crazy and did have an accurate grasp on reality when the person who was my best friend and partner for 15 years was all of a sudden gaslighting me into oblivion. It's a real mindfcxk.


Yeah, but the way to do this is trusted friends and therapy, not shitposting on the mommy board.

I agree: it's a hard decision, especially when you've had a "partner" that wasn't, and was more of an antagonist than a support. Still, the moment you start getting ready to leave is the moment you decide to withdraw your energy from whatever your STBX is on and start focusing on yourself. Staying stuck in some "gotcha" game of trying to "prove" what a jerk they are and "catch" them is still investing energy in the dead relationship.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 20:26     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Once you're that far gone, you won't believe even the most obvious "proof". You either respect yourself enough to leave or you don't.


By all means, keep arguing with the lived experience of women on this thread. It’s a good look.

- Another women who pulled the plug the day after I found the proof


You're arguing with someone who simply did the work on herself instead of demanding "proof" from a suspected cheat. so, i mean, do that, if it makes you feel better about your wasted time or whatever, but you don't have the high ground you seem to think you do.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 20:09     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Once you're that far gone, you won't believe even the most obvious "proof". You either respect yourself enough to leave or you don't.


By all means, keep arguing with the lived experience of women on this thread. It’s a good look.

- Another women who pulled the plug the day after I found the proof
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 19:40     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Leaving is hard, even in the case of severe abuse and serial infidelity. It's even harder when you're married to a gaslighter, and cheating and gaslighting go hand in hand. You find yourself questioning reality and need a lot of evidence and support to leave.


No you don't need evidence. Most women just don't to believe it's actually happening to them. It's their worst nightmare. They know it has happened to other women.

Frankly I wish women just didn't stay married to unfaithful men. If my wife cheats I am out..I am not going to waste my time and energy on therapy to understand why she cheated. There are countless men she can start her life over with. She didn't deserve a chance to explain/justify herself to the man she married. A divorce will set her free and life will be amazing for her.



Are there women out there who will say with certainty their husbands will never cheat on them? I think are just programmed to expect men to cheat at some point.


I will. My husband is very, very ocd about “diseases” he could catch from other women. I believe his squeamishness trumps his sexual desire. We’re also pretty open about sex and I wouldn’t necessarily panic if he wanted to have sex with another woman, nor would he panic if I expressed sexual interest in another man.


You are the kind of woman I want to marry lol


😩
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2025 23:15     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Leaving is hard, even in the case of severe abuse and serial infidelity. It's even harder when you're married to a gaslighter, and cheating and gaslighting go hand in hand. You find yourself questioning reality and need a lot of evidence and support to leave.


No you don't need evidence. Most women just don't to believe it's actually happening to them. It's their worst nightmare. They know it has happened to other women.

Frankly I wish women just didn't stay married to unfaithful men. If my wife cheats I am out..I am not going to waste my time and energy on therapy to understand why she cheated. There are countless men she can start her life over with. She didn't deserve a chance to explain/justify herself to the man she married. A divorce will set her free and life will be amazing for her.



You need evidence when the person cheating on you is also gaslighting you so much that you lose confidence in your judgment and discernment. You need hard evidence to know what is real. You get it for yourself. Just listen to all the women who have reported some version of this here.


Once you're that far gone, you won't believe even the most obvious "proof". You either respect yourself enough to leave or you don't.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2025 23:01     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Leaving is hard, even in the case of severe abuse and serial infidelity. It's even harder when you're married to a gaslighter, and cheating and gaslighting go hand in hand. You find yourself questioning reality and need a lot of evidence and support to leave.


No you don't need evidence. Most women just don't to believe it's actually happening to them. It's their worst nightmare. They know it has happened to other women.

Frankly I wish women just didn't stay married to unfaithful men. If my wife cheats I am out..I am not going to waste my time and energy on therapy to understand why she cheated. There are countless men she can start her life over with. She didn't deserve a chance to explain/justify herself to the man she married. A divorce will set her free and life will be amazing for her.



Are there women out there who will say with certainty their husbands will never cheat on them? I think are just programmed to expect men to cheat at some point.


I will. My husband is very, very ocd about “diseases” he could catch from other women. I believe his squeamishness trumps his sexual desire. We’re also pretty open about sex and I wouldn’t necessarily panic if he wanted to have sex with another woman, nor would he panic if I expressed sexual interest in another man.


You are the kind of woman I want to marry lol
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2025 21:20     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Spouses are usually doing this after they catch their cheating spouse and forgave them but they can’t trust them.

Once a cheater always a cheater, remember if your spouse is willing to destroy you and your family, they are no longer in love with you.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2025 18:50     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Leaving is hard, even in the case of severe abuse and serial infidelity. It's even harder when you're married to a gaslighter, and cheating and gaslighting go hand in hand. You find yourself questioning reality and need a lot of evidence and support to leave.


No you don't need evidence. Most women just don't to believe it's actually happening to them. It's their worst nightmare. They know it has happened to other women.

Frankly I wish women just didn't stay married to unfaithful men. If my wife cheats I am out..I am not going to waste my time and energy on therapy to understand why she cheated. There are countless men she can start her life over with. She didn't deserve a chance to explain/justify herself to the man she married. A divorce will set her free and life will be amazing for her.



Are there women out there who will say with certainty their husbands will never cheat on them? I think are just programmed to expect men to cheat at some point.


I guess women married to autistic/ASD/ADHD men. And that's more that half the women who frequent this forum.


Autistic/ASD men might be more loyal, but not ADHD. Sexual promiscuity is a symptom of ADHD. They do it for the dopamine hit. They take reckless risks with their health and don't use protection.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2025 18:48     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Leaving is hard, even in the case of severe abuse and serial infidelity. It's even harder when you're married to a gaslighter, and cheating and gaslighting go hand in hand. You find yourself questioning reality and need a lot of evidence and support to leave.


No you don't need evidence. Most women just don't to believe it's actually happening to them. It's their worst nightmare. They know it has happened to other women.

Frankly I wish women just didn't stay married to unfaithful men. If my wife cheats I am out..I am not going to waste my time and energy on therapy to understand why she cheated. There are countless men she can start her life over with. She didn't deserve a chance to explain/justify herself to the man she married. A divorce will set her free and life will be amazing for her.



You need evidence when the person cheating on you is also gaslighting you so much that you lose confidence in your judgment and discernment. You need hard evidence to know what is real. You get it for yourself. Just listen to all the women who have reported some version of this here.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2025 17:35     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Anonymous wrote:I keep seeing posts about keyboard loggers, voice activated recording, car tracking. If you don't trust your spouse why wouldn't you just divorce already? Why do you need "evidence" and how does that help you?


I recommend reading some books on human psychology if this is so confusing to you.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2025 17:09     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Leaving is hard, even in the case of severe abuse and serial infidelity. It's even harder when you're married to a gaslighter, and cheating and gaslighting go hand in hand. You find yourself questioning reality and need a lot of evidence and support to leave.


No you don't need evidence. Most women just don't to believe it's actually happening to them. It's their worst nightmare. They know it has happened to other women.

Frankly I wish women just didn't stay married to unfaithful men. If my wife cheats I am out..I am not going to waste my time and energy on therapy to understand why she cheated. There are countless men she can start her life over with. She didn't deserve a chance to explain/justify herself to the man she married. A divorce will set her free and life will be amazing for her.



Are there women out there who will say with certainty their husbands will never cheat on them? I think are just programmed to expect men to cheat at some point.


I will. My husband is very, very ocd about “diseases” he could catch from other women. I believe his squeamishness trumps his sexual desire. We’re also pretty open about sex and I wouldn’t necessarily panic if he wanted to have sex with another woman, nor would he panic if I expressed sexual interest in another man.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2025 17:04     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Once a cheater always one..

These lying cheating spouses never change
However, the women stay put .. For $$ lifestyle, kids and hope they can change them.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2025 16:58     Subject: Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Leaving is hard, even in the case of severe abuse and serial infidelity. It's even harder when you're married to a gaslighter, and cheating and gaslighting go hand in hand. You find yourself questioning reality and need a lot of evidence and support to leave.


No you don't need evidence. Most women just don't to believe it's actually happening to them. It's their worst nightmare. They know it has happened to other women.

Frankly I wish women just didn't stay married to unfaithful men. If my wife cheats I am out..I am not going to waste my time and energy on therapy to understand why she cheated. There are countless men she can start her life over with. She didn't deserve a chance to explain/justify herself to the man she married. A divorce will set her free and life will be amazing for her.



Are there women out there who will say with certainty their husbands will never cheat on them? I think are just programmed to expect men to cheat at some point.


I guess women married to autistic/ASD/ADHD men. And that's more that half the women who frequent this forum.