Reply to Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]1. Live in a 1000 square foot apartment and send my kids to $65k per kid per year privates (bad public options where we live) so that I can commute into an office and spend most of my time on teams calls but still keep my commute to 30 mins and make it home by 6.30 and save a small amount each year
2. Live in a larger apartment/ house, send my kids to $65k per year privates (same issue as above) and commute just under an hour to work where I am in teams calls 80% of the time with colleagues across the country and save a small amount each year
3. Move to the suburbs and spend no money on school, more money on taxes, have a larger home, but commute 3 hours a day 3-4 times a week so that I can be in person in an office where i am on teams calls. Save more each year but potentially quit and burn out because I am bad at making peace with substantial inconvenience. 
in a world where no option is perfect, what is the option? [/quote]

I’m a New Yorker in the same RTO boat. Not the primary earner but my income (and more my earning potential) does really help. I’m debating leaving my job because as the default parent I do not feel like being gone 12+ hours a day (including 3-4 hours commuting per day) 3 days a week is good for my family. But I keep second guessing myself because lots of moms do it and their kids seem to be fine.

We already live in the suburbs. I’m not moving. Have lots of friends who do the commuting but you’re going to need a really good - and expensive - nanny unless your spouse is around a lot.

If your kids are going the NYC private route I would want to live closer to where their friends will be. So I’m not sure if option 2 makes sense, even though it sounds like the middle ground. If your kids will have friends in whatever neighborhood you’re referring to in option 2 (riverdale, Brooklyn etc) then it’s more of a decent option.

Personally id do 1 or 3 to either fully optimize for proximity to work or space + good schools in the suburbs. I think in option 2 you’ll be paying nyc taxes without the perks of a good nyc neighborhood or being close to school + work.[/quote]

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