Anonymous
09/13/2025 16:21
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:In my lower Westchester town, before school care starts at 7:30 and after school lasts until 6. Plenty of homes are walking distance to the train station (mine included) and the express is 30 minutes to Grand Central. My office is another 15 minutes on the subway. Counting walking, etc., the commute is just under an hour. We have tons of space and the schools are free and excellent.
My sister lives in Brooklyn D15, and her kids also go to an excellent free school. She has less space than we do but is still comfortable, and her commute is shorter by about 20 minutes.
There are a lot of different ways to do this, but you need to familiarize yourself with the many good public schools in NYC and the surrounding area!
I’m the pp who lives in westchester. 7:30-6pm is a REALLY long day for kids to be in before care, school and aftercare. And don’t they age out of before/after care once they hit middle school - then what? Kids need an adult around, don’t they? Asking, not judging - my kids are younger than yours and I’m trying to sort out my own RTO demands. Working in thr city feels really undoable if you want quantity of time with your kids
Yes 11 hours is too long for a young child, we did it 1-2 x per week to keep her off iPad haha. They age out of after school around 2nd grade. But it doesn’t matter if both parents are working.
Anonymous
09/13/2025 09:43
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Option 1 for now and try to find a job near Grand Central where you can go in just two days a week and then move to the suburbs.
Anonymous
09/12/2025 22:44
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:In my lower Westchester town, before school care starts at 7:30 and after school lasts until 6. Plenty of homes are walking distance to the train station (mine included) and the express is 30 minutes to Grand Central. My office is another 15 minutes on the subway. Counting walking, etc., the commute is just under an hour. We have tons of space and the schools are free and excellent.
My sister lives in Brooklyn D15, and her kids also go to an excellent free school. She has less space than we do but is still comfortable, and her commute is shorter by about 20 minutes.
There are a lot of different ways to do this, but you need to familiarize yourself with the many good public schools in NYC and the surrounding area!
I’m the pp who lives in westchester. 7:30-6pm is a REALLY long day for kids to be in before care, school and aftercare. And don’t they age out of before/after care once they hit middle school - then what? Kids need an adult around, don’t they? Asking, not judging - my kids are younger than yours and I’m trying to sort out my own RTO demands. Working in thr city feels really undoable if you want quantity of time with your kids
You need a nanny or stay at home parent. My spouse does a 60-90 minute drive commute each way from VA to MD and its sole sucking. One accident can set you back hours and its the only in/out. They cannot switch jobs and moving is financially not worth it but if I was moving I'd go closer to work.
Anonymous
09/12/2025 22:39
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:In my lower Westchester town, before school care starts at 7:30 and after school lasts until 6. Plenty of homes are walking distance to the train station (mine included) and the express is 30 minutes to Grand Central. My office is another 15 minutes on the subway. Counting walking, etc., the commute is just under an hour. We have tons of space and the schools are free and excellent.
My sister lives in Brooklyn D15, and her kids also go to an excellent free school. She has less space than we do but is still comfortable, and her commute is shorter by about 20 minutes.
There are a lot of different ways to do this, but you need to familiarize yourself with the many good public schools in NYC and the surrounding area!
I’m the pp who lives in westchester. 7:30-6pm is a REALLY long day for kids to be in before care, school and aftercare. And don’t they age out of before/after care once they hit middle school - then what? Kids need an adult around, don’t they? Asking, not judging - my kids are younger than yours and I’m trying to sort out my own RTO demands. Working in thr city feels really undoable if you want quantity of time with your kids
Anonymous
09/12/2025 18:45
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
In my lower Westchester town, before school care starts at 7:30 and after school lasts until 6. Plenty of homes are walking distance to the train station (mine included) and the express is 30 minutes to Grand Central. My office is another 15 minutes on the subway. Counting walking, etc., the commute is just under an hour. We have tons of space and the schools are free and excellent.
My sister lives in Brooklyn D15, and her kids also go to an excellent free school. She has less space than we do but is still comfortable, and her commute is shorter by about 20 minutes.
There are a lot of different ways to do this, but you need to familiarize yourself with the many good public schools in NYC and the surrounding area!
My sister lives in Brooklyn D15, and her kids also go to an excellent free school. She has less space than we do but is still comfortable, and her commute is shorter by about 20 minutes.
There are a lot of different ways to do this, but you need to familiarize yourself with the many good public schools in NYC and the surrounding area!
Anonymous
09/12/2025 18:39
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
There are so many excellent public schools in NYC that I’m scratching my head why you wouldn’t just rent a comfortable apartment and skip the private schools.
Anonymous
09/12/2025 16:39
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
I think a commute of an hour is pretty normal and OP can likely flex a little (unless she is working for the feds) to leave a little early and finish work at home. The sticking point here is OP’s characteristic UMC distortions about “good schools.” If your truly see no options between “good” public with a 2 hr commute; short commute with “bad” public schools; and $$$$$ on private with short commute - you really need to expand your understanding of schools.
Anonymous
09/12/2025 14:33
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am confused. I literally grew up in Great Neck Long Island. My house was on Great Neck/Little Neck border. Little Neck is Queens NYC and I was on "long island" by like 50 feet I guess.
I could walk to LIRR train in two minutes. Was a 3-33 minute train ride.
Thats almost the same 30 minute commute you have but I had award winning free public schools.
At work we also had people who lived in Rockville, Centre, Garden City and Manhasset which all have award winning schools close in. If you live walking distance to station those towns are like 35-40 minute commutes.
At KPMG they are moving headquarters to be more Long Island railroad friendly. It used to be the 345 Park Ave headquarters was perfect as all the Wasp partners lived in Westchester.
But now more of the younger ones live in the towns I mentioned and a lot have Hampton Houses if Partners etc. and just a lot easier to live in a neighborhood like Garden City by LIRR and be home in 40 minutes, kids go to great public schools and then have a semi traffic free ride to beach or hampton house on weekend.
My old Partner lived in Garden City and he take clients to Keens Steakhouse or Knick games at MSG and often be home before the Manhattan partners as LIRR downstairs.
The current Head of KPMG lives in Garden City and so does tons of rich people on Wall Street and Banking and God Forbid they sent their kids to Public Schools as they are really good
Not OP, but depends where your office is. Mine is all the way downtown and from westchester or Long Island, the commute is long. Not factoring in driving to the train and parking (which I’d have to do because I don’t live walking distance to the train) the commute is:
Waiting for the train:5-15 minutes
Train: 35-40 minutes (best case)
Walk to subway, wait for train: 10 minutes
Express subway downtown: 10 minutes
Walk from subway to office, get through crowded lobby to desk: 15 minutes Walk
That’s 75-90 minutes, without driving to the train and parking. Which is another 10-15 minutes. That’s a very realistic commute to downtown Manhattan from southern westchester or Long Island. It’s a pain in the ass and you won’t see your kids.
I did that that commute for 20 years. But since I worked on Wall Street I did not do Great Neck. But I lived on Southshore. I took LIRR to Brooklyn, the two train right to wall street stop right by my office. I drove to train but it was only a 2-4 minute ride as I lived 3/4 mile away and had a parking pass. My train was nearly always on time in morning. Waiting at best 3-4 minutes. If you switch at Atlantic Terminal much shorter to walk to 2 train. I could do it door to door in one hour 15 minutes easy.
Wow here is my comute on days I did not work late leave work at 515 pm, I could make it to Brooklyn in train running for 540pm train no problem. Around 45 minute train ride around 5 minutes off train and get to house. I be home around 630 pm. Hardly late at all. And on train I could nap, read email, catch up work laptop as have a hot spot, heck drink a beer have a snack. You can legally drink LIRR and they sell beer on platform. It was my most relaxing time of day. Out of Brooklyn less crowded. When I got home 630 pm I was decompressed. DMV traffic so bad I often end up home at almost 630 pm all stressed from traffic. Not relaxed from watching netflix on train or napping.
My train ride is 1 hr fortunately my office is the grand central. It’s much better than my old commute in Tyson’s where you are stuck for 45 minutes despite being only 2 miles away from home lol
Anonymous
09/12/2025 14:31
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am confused. I literally grew up in Great Neck Long Island. My house was on Great Neck/Little Neck border. Little Neck is Queens NYC and I was on "long island" by like 50 feet I guess.
I could walk to LIRR train in two minutes. Was a 3-33 minute train ride.
Thats almost the same 30 minute commute you have but I had award winning free public schools.
At work we also had people who lived in Rockville, Centre, Garden City and Manhasset which all have award winning schools close in. If you live walking distance to station those towns are like 35-40 minute commutes.
At KPMG they are moving headquarters to be more Long Island railroad friendly. It used to be the 345 Park Ave headquarters was perfect as all the Wasp partners lived in Westchester.
But now more of the younger ones live in the towns I mentioned and a lot have Hampton Houses if Partners etc. and just a lot easier to live in a neighborhood like Garden City by LIRR and be home in 40 minutes, kids go to great public schools and then have a semi traffic free ride to beach or hampton house on weekend.
My old Partner lived in Garden City and he take clients to Keens Steakhouse or Knick games at MSG and often be home before the Manhattan partners as LIRR downstairs.
The current Head of KPMG lives in Garden City and so does tons of rich people on Wall Street and Banking and God Forbid they sent their kids to Public Schools as they are really good
Not OP, but depends where your office is. Mine is all the way downtown and from westchester or Long Island, the commute is long. Not factoring in driving to the train and parking (which I’d have to do because I don’t live walking distance to the train) the commute is:
Waiting for the train:5-15 minutes
Train: 35-40 minutes (best case)
Walk to subway, wait for train: 10 minutes
Express subway downtown: 10 minutes
Walk from subway to office, get through crowded lobby to desk: 15 minutes Walk
That’s 75-90 minutes, without driving to the train and parking. Which is another 10-15 minutes. That’s a very realistic commute to downtown Manhattan from southern westchester or Long Island. It’s a pain in the ass and you won’t see your kids.
I did that that commute for 20 years. But since I worked on Wall Street I did not do Great Neck. But I lived on Southshore. I took LIRR to Brooklyn, the two train right to wall street stop right by my office. I drove to train but it was only a 2-4 minute ride as I lived 3/4 mile away and had a parking pass. My train was nearly always on time in morning. Waiting at best 3-4 minutes. If you switch at Atlantic Terminal much shorter to walk to 2 train. I could do it door to door in one hour 15 minutes easy.
Wow here is my comute on days I did not work late leave work at 515 pm, I could make it to Brooklyn in train running for 540pm train no problem. Around 45 minute train ride around 5 minutes off train and get to house. I be home around 630 pm. Hardly late at all. And on train I could nap, read email, catch up work laptop as have a hot spot, heck drink a beer have a snack. You can legally drink LIRR and they sell beer on platform. It was my most relaxing time of day. Out of Brooklyn less crowded. When I got home 630 pm I was decompressed. DMV traffic so bad I often end up home at almost 630 pm all stressed from traffic. Not relaxed from watching netflix on train or napping.
Anonymous
09/12/2025 14:28
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am confused. I literally grew up in Great Neck Long Island. My house was on Great Neck/Little Neck border. Little Neck is Queens NYC and I was on "long island" by like 50 feet I guess.
I could walk to LIRR train in two minutes. Was a 3-33 minute train ride.
Thats almost the same 30 minute commute you have but I had award winning free public schools.
At work we also had people who lived in Rockville, Centre, Garden City and Manhasset which all have award winning schools close in. If you live walking distance to station those towns are like 35-40 minute commutes.
At KPMG they are moving headquarters to be more Long Island railroad friendly. It used to be the 345 Park Ave headquarters was perfect as all the Wasp partners lived in Westchester.
But now more of the younger ones live in the towns I mentioned and a lot have Hampton Houses if Partners etc. and just a lot easier to live in a neighborhood like Garden City by LIRR and be home in 40 minutes, kids go to great public schools and then have a semi traffic free ride to beach or hampton house on weekend.
My old Partner lived in Garden City and he take clients to Keens Steakhouse or Knick games at MSG and often be home before the Manhattan partners as LIRR downstairs.
The current Head of KPMG lives in Garden City and so does tons of rich people on Wall Street and Banking and God Forbid they sent their kids to Public Schools as they are really good
Not OP, but depends where your office is. Mine is all the way downtown and from westchester or Long Island, the commute is long. Not factoring in driving to the train and parking (which I’d have to do because I don’t live walking distance to the train) the commute is:
Waiting for the train:5-15 minutes
Train: 35-40 minutes (best case)
Walk to subway, wait for train: 10 minutes
Express subway downtown: 10 minutes
Walk from subway to office, get through crowded lobby to desk: 15 minutes Walk
That’s 75-90 minutes, without driving to the train and parking. Which is another 10-15 minutes. That’s a very realistic commute to downtown Manhattan from southern westchester or Long Island. It’s a pain in the ass and you won’t see your kids.
If you can downtown you can do Brooklyn heights, and kids can do basis for 45k.
Anonymous
09/12/2025 13:32
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:I am confused. I literally grew up in Great Neck Long Island. My house was on Great Neck/Little Neck border. Little Neck is Queens NYC and I was on "long island" by like 50 feet I guess.
I could walk to LIRR train in two minutes. Was a 3-33 minute train ride.
Thats almost the same 30 minute commute you have but I had award winning free public schools.
At work we also had people who lived in Rockville, Centre, Garden City and Manhasset which all have award winning schools close in. If you live walking distance to station those towns are like 35-40 minute commutes.
At KPMG they are moving headquarters to be more Long Island railroad friendly. It used to be the 345 Park Ave headquarters was perfect as all the Wasp partners lived in Westchester.
But now more of the younger ones live in the towns I mentioned and a lot have Hampton Houses if Partners etc. and just a lot easier to live in a neighborhood like Garden City by LIRR and be home in 40 minutes, kids go to great public schools and then have a semi traffic free ride to beach or hampton house on weekend.
My old Partner lived in Garden City and he take clients to Keens Steakhouse or Knick games at MSG and often be home before the Manhattan partners as LIRR downstairs.
The current Head of KPMG lives in Garden City and so does tons of rich people on Wall Street and Banking and God Forbid they sent their kids to Public Schools as they are really good
Not OP, but depends where your office is. Mine is all the way downtown and from westchester or Long Island, the commute is long. Not factoring in driving to the train and parking (which I’d have to do because I don’t live walking distance to the train) the commute is:
Waiting for the train:5-15 minutes
Train: 35-40 minutes (best case)
Walk to subway, wait for train: 10 minutes
Express subway downtown: 10 minutes
Walk from subway to office, get through crowded lobby to desk: 15 minutes Walk
That’s 75-90 minutes, without driving to the train and parking. Which is another 10-15 minutes. That’s a very realistic commute to downtown Manhattan from southern westchester or Long Island. It’s a pain in the ass and you won’t see your kids.
Anonymous
09/12/2025 13:27
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:1. Live in a 1000 square foot apartment and send my kids to $65k per kid per year privates (bad public options where we live) so that I can commute into an office and spend most of my time on teams calls but still keep my commute to 30 mins and make it home by 6.30 and save a small amount each year
2. Live in a larger apartment/ house, send my kids to $65k per year privates (same issue as above) and commute just under an hour to work where I am in teams calls 80% of the time with colleagues across the country and save a small amount each year
3. Move to the suburbs and spend no money on school, more money on taxes, have a larger home, but commute 3 hours a day 3-4 times a week so that I can be in person in an office where i am on teams calls. Save more each year but potentially quit and burn out because I am bad at making peace with substantial inconvenience.
in a world where no option is perfect, what is the option?
I’m a New Yorker in the same RTO boat. Not the primary earner but my income (and more my earning potential) does really help. I’m debating leaving my job because as the default parent I do not feel like being gone 12+ hours a day (including 3-4 hours commuting per day) 3 days a week is good for my family. But I keep second guessing myself because lots of moms do it and their kids seem to be fine.
We already live in the suburbs. I’m not moving. Have lots of friends who do the commuting but you’re going to need a really good - and expensive - nanny unless your spouse is around a lot.
If your kids are going the NYC private route I would want to live closer to where their friends will be. So I’m not sure if option 2 makes sense, even though it sounds like the middle ground. If your kids will have friends in whatever neighborhood you’re referring to in option 2 (riverdale, Brooklyn etc) then it’s more of a decent option.
Personally id do 1 or 3 to either fully optimize for proximity to work or space + good schools in the suburbs. I think in option 2 you’ll be paying nyc taxes without the perks of a good nyc neighborhood or being close to school + work.
Anonymous
09/12/2025 13:11
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
If these are truly your only options, absolutely #1. And it’s not close. Time with your kids is what matters most.
You’re making this out to be a crazy thing from your crazy employer, but 3 days in office is becoming pretty standard, and you just have to make the same balance literally everyone has been making for 50+ years. Commute vs space, and having to factor in schools.
The only thing you should consider is opening your mind up about schools. I’m sorry, but there is nowhere in NYC where you need to move 90 mins away to find good schools. I know multiple people living in Brooklyn sending their kids to public school. And none of them have 1000 sq ft. That’s small by DC standards but big by NY standards.
You’re making this out to be a crazy thing from your crazy employer, but 3 days in office is becoming pretty standard, and you just have to make the same balance literally everyone has been making for 50+ years. Commute vs space, and having to factor in schools.
The only thing you should consider is opening your mind up about schools. I’m sorry, but there is nowhere in NYC where you need to move 90 mins away to find good schools. I know multiple people living in Brooklyn sending their kids to public school. And none of them have 1000 sq ft. That’s small by DC standards but big by NY standards.
Anonymous
09/12/2025 12:48
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
If you’re going to shell out $100k+ for private school surely you can move to an area with better publics?
Anonymous
09/12/2025 12:30
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
I am confused. I literally grew up in Great Neck Long Island. My house was on Great Neck/Little Neck border. Little Neck is Queens NYC and I was on "long island" by like 50 feet I guess.
I could walk to LIRR train in two minutes. Was a 3-33 minute train ride.
Thats almost the same 30 minute commute you have but I had award winning free public schools.
At work we also had people who lived in Rockville, Centre, Garden City and Manhasset which all have award winning schools close in. If you live walking distance to station those towns are like 35-40 minute commutes.
At KPMG they are moving headquarters to be more Long Island railroad friendly. It used to be the 345 Park Ave headquarters was perfect as all the Wasp partners lived in Westchester.
But now more of the younger ones live in the towns I mentioned and a lot have Hampton Houses if Partners etc. and just a lot easier to live in a neighborhood like Garden City by LIRR and be home in 40 minutes, kids go to great public schools and then have a semi traffic free ride to beach or hampton house on weekend.
My old Partner lived in Garden City and he take clients to Keens Steakhouse or Knick games at MSG and often be home before the Manhattan partners as LIRR downstairs.
The current Head of KPMG lives in Garden City and so does tons of rich people on Wall Street and Banking and God Forbid they sent their kids to Public Schools as they are really good
I could walk to LIRR train in two minutes. Was a 3-33 minute train ride.
Thats almost the same 30 minute commute you have but I had award winning free public schools.
At work we also had people who lived in Rockville, Centre, Garden City and Manhasset which all have award winning schools close in. If you live walking distance to station those towns are like 35-40 minute commutes.
At KPMG they are moving headquarters to be more Long Island railroad friendly. It used to be the 345 Park Ave headquarters was perfect as all the Wasp partners lived in Westchester.
But now more of the younger ones live in the towns I mentioned and a lot have Hampton Houses if Partners etc. and just a lot easier to live in a neighborhood like Garden City by LIRR and be home in 40 minutes, kids go to great public schools and then have a semi traffic free ride to beach or hampton house on weekend.
My old Partner lived in Garden City and he take clients to Keens Steakhouse or Knick games at MSG and often be home before the Manhattan partners as LIRR downstairs.
The current Head of KPMG lives in Garden City and so does tons of rich people on Wall Street and Banking and God Forbid they sent their kids to Public Schools as they are really good