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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can't help but think how hurt I would be if my daughter doesn't want me in the hospital one day like I want my mother when I deliver. Maybe I am just lucky to have the incredible mother I have and hope that I will be half as good as she is. My husband adores my mother. I understand that the OP's mother is not pleasant to be around and I am sorry for that and counting my blessings. I can't imagine having to find coping strategies to deal with my mother. I'm sorry, OP. [/quote]

I love my mother and have a wonderful, amazing relationship with her, and yet I *absolutely* did not want her in my delivery room.  It had nothing to do with her, really, it was all about me wanting the fewest number of bodies there possible.  The only person I *wanted* there was DH, and I tolerated the midwife and nurse because I had to.  I'm just a very introverted, private person and I needed for my own comfort and sanity to keep things small.  (And for everyone out there who will say, "but you know you lose all sense of modesty in labor and don't notice things like that, right" -- I didn't lose my sense of modesty and I DID notice every extra person.  And *even if* that had not been the case, the thought of extra people made me very anxious beforehand so why should I not try to prepare for/anticipate my own needs?)

My mother, understanding me as a person very well, did not bat an eye when I gently told her.

Good luck, OP.  I have to agree with the PPs that (since you don't have a strong preference) your DH's wishes need to come before your mother's.  I don't think you should lie about delivery dates, but I don't think there's much harm in not giving the whole truth if she reacts badly.  Something like "I love you very much but the hospital will only allow me one support person, and that has to be DH.  We hope to see you at the hospital the next day, as soon as I'm allowed visitors."  And then ask the nurses for help keeping her visit short if necessary.  DON'T tell her you don't want her there, as it sounds like for you that isn't exactly true anyway, but there's also no reason to hurt her by telling her that hospital policy wasn't your main deciding factor.[/quote]

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