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[quote=Anonymous]"I know from past experience not to offer up details because she’ll use them against us." Hugs, OP. I was the scapegoat, too. I'm pretty sure my mother was a covert narcissist. They are the most difficult type to deal with because it's all underhanded nonsense that is kept inside four walls. The quiet aggression never leaves the house, it is all turned inward on one person (the scapegoat). At my mother's funeral, people came up to me to tell me how nice my mom was to them. It was like hearing stories about someone I did not know. I remember once as a young adult finally confronting my mother to ask why she could never offer me a compliment that wasn't laced with a hurtful barb and she told me essentially that if I were to have any self confidence it would be highly off-putting to other people. I remember withholding information from my family members so they couldn't make fun of me, or use it against me to sabotage me. That's the clearest sign you are being scapegoated: you are not allowed to keep any secrets as the family scapegoat. People with healthier moms (emotionally) can't understand any of this, OP. I don't begrudge them their positive experience. Good for them! I only hope they can widen their perspective to see that not everyone gets a loving mother. Patrick Teahan on YouTube is an excellent resource, as is Rebecca Mandeville.[/quote]

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