Reply to How good are you at being fake? Not take the bate?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Think of it as your kid "can't" rather than "won't." They CAN"T get themselves to stop and go clean their room/change clothes/get better grades. They need your help - and telling them to do it is not the help they need.[/quote]

I mean…this is applicable to little kids, but at some point they can it’s very much that they just won’t. And this often happened when they are parented with inconsistencies. Being a consistent parent is so hard, but that’s when you get kids who understand that when you say X it’s time to do Y.

Let’s say you want to leave the park to go home. You give them a 10 minute warning, then a 5 minute warning, then a 1 minute warning. 4 times this worked and the kid left when you wanted them to. The 5th time the kid decided they wanted to slide three more times past the time to go and you reluctantly let them…then they just learned that your word is flexible. And that’s fine if you have the room to be flexible, of course, but then time #6 you are going to be late for something and suddenly you’re angry at them. You’re angry because you’ve lost control. And you’ve lost control because you changed the expectations and the boundaries and your kid knows that. Some kids still comply, but not all.

So op—it’s not about poker face when parenting. It’s about maintaining control over your anger and being in control over the situation will help you control your anger. You don’t have to pick a battle with everything, but see when your current triggers are and pick those battles and WIN them. Be clear with your expectations and follow through. Don’t let the little ones negotiate. Once you do—you’ve lost the control. No need to yell or scream, but be clear and consistent. [/quote]

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