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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP and this thread has turned bonkers. I've only responded once.  I do however think my son has the capacity and understanding to at least try, in certain settings, to make eye contact and try to operate without certain social bounds. I'm not being cruel to him. Those who are being pointlessly argumentative, please drop off this thread. And thanks for those who made suggestions, sounds like we're doing what we need to keep doing an we'll keep our eyes open for more opportunities like this program that remind him that behavior needs to adjust in certain settings.  Yesterday, he was super excited because he got to shake hands with a judge - very cool program.  [/quote]

Op, my DD is 12 and also understands social norms but mostly doesn’t care. I don’t think she immediately comes off as atypical but with time I think her lack of caring about social norms can make her get excluded.

We previously put her in a social skills class and will do so again this coming year. She said she benefited from the way they explicitly teach the social norms and behaviors and then practice them. She doesn’t really have issues making friends with similar interests, it’s when she needs to make small talk or talk to people she doesn’t have things in common with that she struggles. Unfortunately that’s a lot of human interaction, especially as one gets older.

We are actually putting her in cotillion as well because we also hope the explicit instruction and practice will be helpful, and she has to get dressed up, which is also a skill she needs to get better at as she gets older (right now I still fight with her about brushing hair and showering).

I was a lot like my DD and was just very very slow to mature socially - part of me thinks that that was the right journey for me, but I missed out on lots of fun socializing as a teen and in college because of my lack of caring and unwillingness to conform. I did ultimately want to dress cutely/wear makeup/etc in graduate school, but then I had to do it and learn it all alone - it’s not the same as having learned all this stuff with my friends.

So while I’m not pushing DD to mature socially, I am pushing her to learn the skills and practice them. I am also starting to help her pick out “cute” outfits to wear - if not she will literally wear any pants with any shirt and doesn’t care if it matches or not. I’m not trying to change my kid, just help them build skills that will allow them to fit in if they one day decide they want to.

It sounds like you are doing something similar at home and at this camp. I would encourage you to keep doing it, it can only help.

my personal experience was that social skills are a skillset that people build. I’m naturally shy and introverted but I know that building a strong community personally and professionally is facilitated by more outgoing behavior. So I have learned to make small talk and we regularly host small and big events, and I have learned to work a room at a work conference, even if I really don’t like doing it. [/quote]

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