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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks everyone, op here. To clarify, this is my first follow up post. I was not the poster who had the back and forth above regarding whether you should force “normal” behavior. In our case, ds has the capacity to work harder at this so we see no issues with pushing him on it. I did use the words “came down hard on him” - and I should clarify that his first day of camp was also in tandem with him being rude to good family friends of ours. I’m sure it was all sort of related, but it was unacceptable and that one really did deserve a stern talking to.  So we did talk to him sternly, but clarified we weren’t mad at him but expected the behavior to change. Thanks for some of the suggestions. Appreciate ppl saying there was nothing unusual in his behavior for a 13 year old, but he really did stand out from every other kid who came into the sign in desk. [/quote]

he stands out not because he is rude but because he is not neurotypical OP. I never use the term “neurotypical” because it annoys me but I want to use it here because you are clearly ascribing a moral/values aspect to what is pretty clearly just his “quirky” or ND behavior. Do you truly believe your 13 year old among all 13 year olds is the most rude? I don’t think so - he just has a different (non typical) way of relating to social rules and cues. The actual meanest and rudest kids are the NT ones - the bullies, the excluders, the ones who can manipulate others socially. That is the paradox of “normal” social skills and neurotypicality - being rude and mean in many contexts is wholly neurotypical. The whole point of social skills is to establish hierarchies.

The reason you coach your child is so that he learns skills that will benefit him and he can understand the social rules and opt in, and his neuro-atypical manners won’t hold him back. Not because he is a uniquely rude child and needs to be disciplined. [/quote]

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