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[quote=Anonymous]I grew up in an environment/family rife w/ alcoholism, drug addiction and mental illness. I was always terrified about boyfriends meeting my family.  I could envision having made up some ridiculous but benign sounding lie to avoid having to tell the truth about what was actually going on. I felt a lot of deep shame and embarrassment about the actions of my family members. I still do, but now I know that most people have some level of dysfunction they've dealth with and can be sympathetic, or at least not judgmental.

I think the real issue here OP is whether you can find out (and feel sure you've heard) the truth. If it really is the drug using truth, and the nightmares of his family, then I think your relationship has lots of promise. But you will need to understand (and encourage/help him to work through) the profound shame and embarrassment that comes with that. For him, the strength of his feelings for you could increase the anxiety and shame he feels - so there could be a kind of inverse relationship there that might take some time to untangle.

And yes, Al-Anon might be incredibly helpful for you in understanding some of the dynamics if you'll be with him long term.

If he wasn't honest, then you have your answer. [/quote]

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