I grew up in an environment/family rife w/ alcoholism, drug addiction and mental illness. I was always terrified about boyfriends meeting my family. I could envision having made up some ridiculous but benign sounding lie to avoid having to tell the truth about what was actually going on. I felt a lot of deep shame and embarrassment about the actions of my family members. I still do, but now I know that most people have some level of dysfunction they've dealth with and can be sympathetic, or at least not judgmental.

I think the real issue here OP is whether you can find out (and feel sure you've heard) the truth. If it really is the drug using truth, and the nightmares of his family, then I think your relationship has lots of promise. But you will need to understand (and encourage/help him to work through) the profound shame and embarrassment that comes with that. For him, the strength of his feelings for you could increase the anxiety and shame he feels - so there could be a kind of inverse relationship there that might take some time to untangle.

And yes, Al-Anon might be incredibly helpful for you in understanding some of the dynamics if you'll be with him long term.

If he wasn't honest, then you have your answer.

AAA is for flat tires. He left you to go do something else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. I was right to think things were off because they were. It was clear to me in the moment that he was not being honest due to his uncharacteristic behavior and body language. I did not necessarily assume he was cheating (though thought it was possible).

He later reached out and said he left because his cousin who is a drunk user was high and in a bad situation. He did not want to expose me to it.

I don’t know, OP. It’s possible that this is the real explanation or it’s possible that (with more time to think about it) he came up with a more believable story. Either way, he lied to you about where he was going in the middle of the night and that’s a pretty big red flag.

Correct. The flat tire was a spontaneous lie that he knew sounded bad. He thought it back over and came up with something that would manipulate you into giving sympathy. These are both lies. Also beware of someone who looks down on you for being a “square”. Growing up on the struggle bus is no more a personal achievement than not doing it. This guys sounds like a dud.

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. I was right to think things were off because they were. It was clear to me in the moment that he was not being honest due to his uncharacteristic behavior and body language. I did not necessarily assume he was cheating (though thought it was possible).

He later reached out and said he left because his cousin who is a drunk user was high and in a bad situation. He did not want to expose me to it.

I don’t know, OP. It’s possible that this is the real explanation or it’s possible that (with more time to think about it) he came up with a more believable story. Either way, he lied to you about where he was going in the middle of the night and that’s a pretty big red flag.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I just got into a big fight. We were spending the weekend together at his place, when all of a sudden he started texting and taking a call while we were watching a movie. Then he said his best friend got a flat tire and he had to help him.

I said ok, and asked if I could come. He said no and then also told me he had plans on Sunday with some other friends. This seemed really odd and fishy to me. We had been spending the weekend together and there was no mention of him being booked tomorrow, until mysteriously he now has to help with this flat tire.

I grabbed my things and told him I was going to sleep at my place. He got upset and asked me for the key to his place back. He had recently given it to me, and we were getting more serious.

I’m really upset right now. What are others thoughts on what just happens?

You're both way too dramatic and reactive. My thoughts are that you're both better off being single until you get some better communication skills.

THIS. How old are you OP?

How is OP dramatic. It turns out he was in fact lying! What person is fine with their partner leaving int he middle of the night while lying?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I just got into a big fight. We were spending the weekend together at his place, when all of a sudden he started texting and taking a call while we were watching a movie. Then he said his best friend got a flat tire and he had to help him.

I said ok, and asked if I could come. He said no and then also told me he had plans on Sunday with some other friends. This seemed really odd and fishy to me. We had been spending the weekend together and there was no mention of him being booked tomorrow, until mysteriously he now has to help with this flat tire.

I grabbed my things and told him I was going to sleep at my place. He got upset and asked me for the key to his place back. He had recently given it to me, and we were getting more serious.

I’m really upset right now. What are others thoughts on what just happens?

You're both way too dramatic and reactive. My thoughts are that you're both better off being single until you get some better communication skills.

THIS. How old are you OP?