Reply to Is there anyway to discuss a spouse's weight gain and not cause permanent damage?

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Reply to "Is there anyway to discuss a spouse's weight gain and not cause permanent damage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I suspect that men and women would receive this comment differently as a PP said. I, a woman, never did recover from xH’s years-long commentary on my PPD/ self-soothing weight gain. His approach was unvarnished bluntness, like he might’ve used (?) with a guy at work (you’ve gotten fat and you’re not as attractive as you were when we met 14 years ago)

Caveat - while a male might tolerate blunt negative statements better than a woman, and they might take action because men, doesn’t mean their feelings won’t be hurt. It’s really stupid to suggest that men don’t feel hurt. Especially OP’s guy who is obviously a sensitive dude.

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I really can't relate to this level of sensitivity. It's just weight, people! I've gained weight. My husband tells me. He loves me. He doesn't say it to hurt me. What he says doesn't make me feel bad in the least. Right now he's the one trying to lose weight, because he gained a bit this year, and he expects me to make comments as to whether his diet is working or not. Shouldn't a husband and wife have that kind of honesty with each other?

What IS it with women on DCUM and how they process weight and figure talk?!?!?! I don't get it.

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I guess you are a cool girl who can roll with the boys. Many of us were/are affected by beauty standards portrayed in the media from a young age. Throw in diet obsessed or body shaming mothers and you have created sensitivity around weight talk. Look, I was 5'5 and 105lbs snd thought I was fat because my them (psycho) boyfriend told me I was fat. Repeatedly. Two inches taller, 30 years older, 40 pounds heavier and I still am sensitive about weight. By all standards I am a healthy, normal weight, but my sense of body image was damaged young. For all we know, ops dh is healthy bordering chubby and she's a psycho.[/quote]

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