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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Bring these friends into your home regularly  and make sure you judge them for yourself rather than some sort of “reputation” heard from gossipy adults.

Banning an impulsive kid with no other friends from hanging with his only friends is likely a fools task and honestly pretty cruel besides.

Tell him he can only hang out at your house with them for now. Get to know them. Don’t judge them but make sure they know your rules. Have awesome snacks and otherwise a relaxed environment and good video games. It’s my experience that these kinds of kids aren’t bad (after all they are including your son, who apparently is a bit of a school pariah)  just poorly supervised and/or struggling with some home problems. Often these are the first kids to engage with me as a parent and be better with my kids when they don’t want to risk the same space of my home.  [/quote]

I agree with this poster _and_ I think you want to be aware that he needs friends and belonging. If you want him to find alternatives, you need to build an entry ramp to alternatives. Does he like any sports? ADHD kids can be amazing athletes, spoken by a mom with a hockey-crazed basketball-crazed child. Kids like to be good at sports, so before you sign him up for a team, sign him up for private lessons and some age-approrpiate fun skills clinicis, so that he isn't coming onto a team as the "worst" on the team. If he doesn't like sports, look for a church group, a camp, another activity (photography, music, whatever) where he can find an additional community.

I would say "your house, your rules" and while you want to make your home fun, you can be clear that there will be no vaping in your home. But the idea of getting to know, observing without judgement, and learning more is excellent advice. You will not be able to make much progress with your son without more information.[/quote]

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